10 Reasons Why I Struggle to Help My ADHD Kid with Homework

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Let’s start with a light-hearted take on homework. Traditionally, the dictionary defines homework as:

Homework /ˈhōmˌwərk/ noun
1. Assignments that students are required to complete at home.
2. Preparation work for an event or situation.

But here’s my revised definition:

Homework /ˈhōmˌwərk/ noun
1. A medieval torture device designed to drive families apart.
2. A source of parental mood swings and excessive coffee consumption.
3. A notorious killer of trees.

On a serious note, I understand the importance of homework. Kids need to practice the skills they learn in school, and I support that. However, when you have a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), getting through homework can feel like a Herculean task. Even if I can manage to get them focused for just five minutes, they seem to be more interested in counting the ceiling tiles than tackling their assignments. Here’s why I find helping my ADHD child with homework to be such a challenge:

  1. Patience Is Not My Strong Suit: I recognize that this isn’t my child’s fault, but my lack of patience combined with their tendency to lose focus creates a perfect storm. I try to stay calm, but in my mind, I’ve transformed into Dr. Evil. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to remind them to stay on track. Sometimes, I wonder if they’d be more motivated if I had laser sharks lurking around.
  2. Reality Check: Working on homework reveals that my children are just regular kids, not prodigies. It’s tough for me to accept that they’re not destined to be the next great minds of our time. Watching them struggle with basic concepts is a humbling experience—turns out, they’re not solving complex equations; they’re just trying to remember how to add.
  3. Organizational Mayhem: My child’s homework is often left at school, or important papers are crammed into their chaotic backpack. I’ve tried to make organization a fun game, but all I get in return are blank stares and my worries about their future as a hoarder.
  4. Educational Whiplash: I’m baffled by the new teaching methods, especially with the introduction of common core principles. When I try to assist my child, I’m often told that I’m not solving problems the “right” way. When I ask how it’s done, I get a blank stare and a confused shrug.
  5. Selective Hearing: It’s infuriating when I’m trying to explain something and my child is staring at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought. I end up repeating myself multiple times, and it feels like conversing with a goldfish. I remind myself to keep calm and just keep swimming.
  6. Too Much Dependence: Each day, my daughter and I fall into a familiar routine. We work through a problem together, and then she insists I do the next one with her. It feels like I’m enabling her dependency on my help, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m raising a homework addict.
  7. The Complaints: The whining can be relentless. “It’s too hard! I’ll never get it! My life is the worst!” I try to reassure her that she will understand eventually, but when she insists she’s right—about everything—it’s hard to keep a straight face, especially when she proclaims, “Two plus two is five!”
  8. Too Many Distractions: I know I should prioritize time with my kids, but the reality is, I’m juggling three of them. While trying to help with homework, I’m also managing a toddler who thinks “helping” means crayon artwork on their sibling’s spelling page. My hands are full, and I often feel like a circus performer.
  9. The Homework Load: My ADHD child has about an hour and a half of homework each night. I don’t recall having nearly that much when I was in elementary school. Back then, we were more focused on fun projects than endless worksheets. Now, it feels like homework has taken over family time.
  10. The Homework Battle: My child may know they need to do their homework, but that doesn’t mean they want to. I often find them distracted by dancing or other activities, and when I check on their work, it’s evident that they’ve filled in answers at random.

Despite the chaos, I continue to help my ADHD child with homework every night. It’s a frustrating cycle that feels like Groundhog Day, with the same battles and distractions repeating. Yet, amidst the struggle, there’s a magical moment I look forward to—the instant when everything clicks for them, and the homework suddenly seems easy. That moment makes all the challenges worth it, and for a brief second, I feel like I’ve conquered Mount Doom with Frodo.

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In summary, helping my ADHD kid with homework is a tough yet rewarding journey filled with challenges, laughter, and the joy of learning together.