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Preparing My Daughter for Womanhood and What It Entails
I often shave my legs without a second thought. But it’s not just about shaving; it’s about the myriad expectations that come with being a woman today. We rarely stop to question why we conform to the endless rituals—waxing, altering, and beautifying our bodies. It seems women often view their physical selves as something detached from their true identity. Throughout history—be it in the Ming Dynasty, the Edwardian era, the Kayan tribes, or Hollywood—women have subjected themselves to the prevailing customs. From foot binding to toxic face powders and extreme plastic surgeries, we silence our inner voices that ask, “Why? Why is my body merely an object for scrutiny?”
As my eldest daughter approaches her pre-teen years, I find myself wrestling with the task of preparing her for these societal pressures. It’s inevitable that she will soon face teasing from peers about something as trivial as leg hair. I remember vividly experiencing the same in fifth grade, and even celebrity Kristen Stewart has shared her own painful memories about it.
Yet, the girl who teases isn’t to blame; she’s simply echoing the harsh standards society imposes on women. It’s a sad cycle—one girl becomes the messenger of judgment, internalizing the critical messages we all receive.
Ironically, my daughters think nothing of entering the bathroom while I’m in there. But when it comes to shaving my legs, I feel compelled to hide the razor. I dread the conversation that will inevitably arise—not about the birds and the bees, or periods, or boys, but about why I feel the need to remove a significant portion of my body hair. What will I say? That society dictates what’s acceptable? That silky legs are preferred? How can I explain it without compromising their innocent perception of themselves and their bodies?
I want to preserve their time as young girls—when they see their bodies as capable and powerful. They run, catch, and dance with joy, unaware of the impending pressures of self-worth tied to appearance. Most girls their age don’t yet measure themselves against a scale of attractiveness, and I dread the day that changes.
I find it disheartening to think they will one day judge themselves through the lens of others, especially the male gaze, which can feel like an overwhelming force. So I continue to shave in secret, concealing my actions as they knock at the door. I engage in the rituals expected of women—shaving, moisturizing, and so on—not because I enjoy it, but because it’s what’s anticipated. Honestly, I’d rather spend my time painting, writing, or enjoying a bad movie than worrying about stubble. Yet, societal norms have a powerful grip on us, and I often wonder if I have the courage to resist.
In my younger years, I admired women who refused to conform—those who spoke out against the pressures of beauty. But such voices seem less common now. We all crave validation, and often, we perpetuate the very standards we wish to dismantle. The journey from girl power to insecurity is a troubling one, and I wish my daughters could always see their bodies as instruments of strength rather than objects of scrutiny.
Ultimately, I hope to raise them with a sense of self that transcends societal expectations, allowing them to appreciate their bodies for the remarkable machines they are. They deserve to feel valued for so much more than smooth skin or painted faces.
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Summary:
In navigating the complexities of womanhood, we often find ourselves bound by societal expectations regarding our bodies. As a mother, I grapple with how to shield my daughters from these pressures while preparing them for the realities that lie ahead. I hope to instill in them a sense of self that values their capabilities over appearances, allowing them to flourish as strong, confident individuals.