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10 Surprising Truths About Military Spouses
When I tied the knot, we shared a kiss under a ceremonial sword arch. My partner, clad in his crisp dress uniform, looked absolutely stunning, and we danced the night away.
Initially, everything seemed perfect—immaculate uniforms, grand traditions, elegant gowns, and heartfelt gestures. That’s how I saw our life in the beginning. I was aware of upcoming deployments and the travel demands, but now, seven years later, my perspective has shifted. Here’s what I’ve come to understand.
1. We’re Always at Our Breaking Point.
A wise friend of mine once said, “Military wives are always at their limit.” Even if we seem to be managing well during tough times (see point No. 7), we’re often just holding it together. Sometimes, we’re managing everything alone, without any communication from our spouses for weeks on end, and that pressure can be overwhelming.
2. Please Give Us Space.
This isn’t a request to be unsupportive. We truly appreciate friends who step up when needed. But during deployments or challenging duty assignments, we often can’t take on anything extra. While we may appear to be thriving (and sometimes we genuinely are—see No. 4), there are moments when we’re barely coping. So skip the grand plans or stress-inducing activities. If we can join you, we’ll let you know!
3. Fatigue is Our Constant Companion.
We’re perpetually exhausted—waking up in the middle of the night, walking the dog, caring for the kids, tackling every household chore. It’s draining. Major props to single parents; we see how amazing you are!
4. We Have Our Own Systems.
To cope with points 1, 2, and 3, we establish routines. These help us maintain control and keep chaos at bay. Our systems are designed to provide stability, ensuring our kids stay on track amidst life’s unpredictability. Deviating from this system often leads to chaos, and guess who ends up cleaning up after the mess? Exactly.
Of course, we enjoy our kids—they are often the best distraction from the challenges of military life. Children are hilarious, resilient, and bring so much joy. Love them, need the system!
5. We Manage Our Kids’ Emotions.
Just when things seem to be going smoothly, a child may suddenly miss their dad after weeks apart. They might cry or act out, and we’re left scrambling for the right words, especially when we don’t know when he’ll return. We try fun tricks like countdowns or daily reminders, but it’s a constant reminder of the absence.
6. Friendship is Essential.
We need genuine friends—those who will truly ask, “How are you?” and care about the answer. Sometimes, we just want someone to acknowledge the challenges we face. Yes, we knew what we were signing up for, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
7. Our Partners Miss Out Too.
Even when they’re “home,” they might be away often. “Home” can mean not deployed but constantly on the go or working late hours. So, we end up attending school events and putting the kids to bed alone. Just because they’re not deployed, doesn’t mean they’re present, which ties back to point No. 4.
8. The Military Makes Many Decisions for Us.
While we have some say in where we live, we often move every couple of years, and it’s not always our first choice. We plan family events around their schedules, only to have them canceled last minute. I know couples who’ve eloped because their grand weddings were called off due to duty calls.
9. Our Marriages Face Strain.
The distance, stress, and lack of quality time take a toll. A coworker once warned me about the challenges of military marriage; she ended up divorced because it was too difficult. There’s little time to nurture the relationship, though military events like balls can provide a brief escape and a touch of romance.
10. It’s Tougher than We Anticipated, But We Wouldn’t Trade It.
There are incredible moments that make it worthwhile. Whether watching a ship return from deployment or experiencing a military wedding, it often brings tears to our eyes. And our kids? They’re remarkably resilient, smart, and kind. I can’t help but wonder where they get it from!
If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this post for helpful insights. You can also find valuable information on the topic at this site. For those seeking guidance on pregnancy and fertility, the CDC’s resource is a fantastic place to start.
In summary, life as a military spouse comes with its unique challenges and rewards. While we might struggle, we also find joy and resilience in our families and communities.