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Becoming a Mom Made Me a Different Person
You often hear that parenthood transforms you into a better individual, but I can’t help but feel the opposite. When I mentioned this to my partner, he insisted that fatherhood has improved him—and me too—but I just don’t see it that way.
I’m not saying I’ve turned into a terrible person or that I’m a bad mom; I genuinely believe I’m a good parent. However, I’ve noticed that some of my personality traits, or flaws, have become more pronounced since I became a mother. I often wonder when I became so uptight, and the answer always circles back to motherhood.
At my core, I’ve always been a perfectionist and a bit of a control freak. I set high standards for myself and those around me, but I never tried to control others. I managed situations in my personal life before kids, and it worked well. Friends relied on me to plan outings, and my coworkers counted on me in the workplace. If I disagreed with someone’s choices, it didn’t bother me much because it was their life. I coordinated my wedding flawlessly, and my honeymoon had a detailed itinerary that my partner appreciated.
Now, though, those same traits seem to be spiraling out of control. My perfectionism and need for control have intensified over time. I recognize this shift and feel helpless to change it.
I’ve distanced myself from family members whose habits or beliefs I find concerning, worried they might negatively influence my child. I know that sounds extreme, but I can’t help it. Only my partner and I are allowed to drive with our daughter because, what if something happens? When someone wants to spend time alone with her, my instinct is to question, “Why do you need that time with a toddler?” I find myself wanting to control every interaction she has, every word spoken around her—everything.
Before becoming a mom, I was more tolerant and loving. Now, I find myself more judgmental and less accepting. Some say this is just part of growing older, but for me, it feels like a downside of parenthood. I used to embrace the world as it was, believing everyone had the right to their own life choices. While I still think that, I’ve become less accepting internally. I fear that outside influences might lead my daughter astray.
I’ve also noticed other changes. I’m more emotional and can cry at the slightest provocation. My outlook has grown more negative as I grapple with the state of the world. The days of my friends marveling at my optimism are long gone. I worry constantly about the world my child will inherit. I understand that much is beyond my control, yet it drives me to try to manage what I can even more.
Becoming a mom has changed me in numerous ways. It has opened my heart to a love deeper than I ever thought possible. When my daughter faced major surgery, I discovered a strength within myself that I didn’t know existed. I’ve learned to appreciate the small joys in life and experience the world anew through her eyes. Motherhood has reignited my passion for teaching, as she is my most important student. I find myself eager to learn new things for her benefit, as well as from her.
What motherhood hasn’t done is turn me into a better person, but I’m committed to working on it.
For more insights on parenting and the journey to motherhood, you might enjoy this post on home insemination. If you’re considering starting a family, Make a Mom offers valuable resources on home insemination. For those exploring fertility treatments, the March of Dimes is an excellent resource.
Summary
In this reflective piece, the author shares her feelings about becoming a mom, expressing how it has intensified her perfectionist tendencies and fostered a more judgmental outlook. While she values the profound love and strength motherhood has brought her, she grapples with the notion that it hasn’t necessarily made her a better person.