How I Discovered the Art of Letting Go of My Inner Control Freak

home insemination Kit

Once upon a time, I prided myself on being an immaculate housekeeper. My home was a picture of perfection: every surface pristine, devoid of knick-knacks or clutter. My bed was always made, books were neatly shelved, and bills were tucked away out of sight. Even my refrigerator had a rigid organization system—containers arranged by size, meats and cheeses in the deli drawer, and only liquids on the top shelf, since that was the tallest space. No top-shelf solids allowed.

Back then, I lived solo with my two cats, working long hours as a lawyer and eating out more than I cooked. I had everything under control, or so I thought. I was the master of efficiency, the champion of order—until I realized I was just a product of my chaotic upbringing.

Growing up, my home was tidy yet tumultuous, filled with the discord of two unhappy adults. They were fantastic parents, but their marriage often turned into shouting matches over trivial matters. I believed that by maintaining a spotless apartment, I could shield myself from that kind of chaos. I was determined to do better than my parents, thinking I could eliminate all the turmoil in a relationship.

Then I met Tom, the steady man who balanced my emotional whirlwind. His calm demeanor and ability to disagree without escalating things showed me a different way. One of our first disagreements, while I was pregnant with our son, caught me off guard. We were trying to remove an air-conditioning unit when it slipped from our grasp and shattered. I panicked and started cleaning up the mess, only to find Tom upset on the back steps. “We’re fighting,” he said, and I was bewildered. Was that really what this was?

Fast forward to life with our son and an exuberant German shepherd who sheds more than my old cats combined. Between teaching, writing, and navigating a chaotic schedule, I have little time to stress over a messy refrigerator.

On New Year’s Day 2015, I found myself overwhelmed, caught in the middle of a family drama that could rival a soap opera. I was huddled under the covers, feeling lost and unmotivated. As I ventured into the kitchen for a snack, I stumbled upon Tom cleaning out the fridge, scrubbing away the unpleasant smells. Instead of bracing for a snarky comment about my lack of cleanliness, he simply said, “Something smells.”

At that moment, I realized I didn’t want to retreat back to bed. I wanted to help him, and before I knew it, I was taking bottles off shelves, and it felt surprisingly good. This messy chaos? It was love in action.

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In summary, I learned that letting go of my need for control opened the door to a more fulfilling relationship. Life may be chaotic, but embracing that chaos can lead to deeper connections and unexpected joy.