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How Parenthood Alleviated My Loneliness
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How Parenthood Alleviated My Loneliness
by Sarah Turner
Updated: May 27, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 9, 2015
Before I became a parent, I often battled loneliness. I had friends, engaged in social activities, and enjoyed weekends filled with trips and music. My life was busy, yet, when I returned home in the evenings, I felt an emptiness that lingered. Sundays stretched out before me like an endless road.
That all changed when I met my partner and soon welcomed our two boys into the world. Suddenly, loneliness was no longer an issue. Living in a vibrant community filled with families and fellow parents makes socializing easier, and having a partner who is also my best friend adds to that connection. With so many relationships to nurture—from romantic to familial—it’s hard to feel isolated.
However, I can’t help but wonder if having kids truly cured my loneliness or if it simply masked it. After all, as busy parents, we often have little time to pause and reflect on our feelings. I’ve heard mothers share that their children helped alleviate their mild depression, largely because every moment is packed with activities. When you’re busy negotiating shoe placements or counting eggs for dinner, there’s hardly time to dwell on loneliness (not to mention, this doesn’t apply to serious depression, which requires a different kind of attention).
Having children fills my days with social interactions, from friendly chats with grandmas at the grocery store to commiserating with other parents at the playground. There’s no room for thoughts of loneliness amidst all these connections. I believe this relentless busyness is key to overcoming loneliness, with or without kids. Just like how experts recommend a bit of exercise for good health, I’ve found that being constantly engaged in meaningful activities enriches my life far beyond what I experienced before.
Looking at my boys, now ages 2 and 5, I often think, “This is a perfect time in my life.” They still rely on me, but I’m relieved we’re past the exhausting days of diapers and bottles. They’re funny and adorable, blissfully unaware of my quirks. My partner and I share countless joyful moments watching them grow.
Yet, the thought of them growing up does tug at my heart—what if the loneliness returns when they leave home? My current whirlwind of commitments will someday give way to quieter days, where I might find myself wishing for the busyness I currently have. I hope I won’t pay a price in loneliness once the kids are grown.
I suspect I will need to create new commitments to fill my days, akin to the life I’ve built around my children. Perhaps the real remedy lies not just in parenthood but in embracing the fullness of life—much fuller than I ever imagined. When the kids are off charting their own paths, I hope to maintain the connections I’ve cultivated, like chatting with the butcher about his family or catching up with the neighbor in her garden.
For now, I’m grateful for this lively season of life. While I might roll my eyes at older generations saying to cherish every moment, I’ll do my best to savor these days.
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Summary:
Throughout my journey into parenthood, I discovered that the love and busyness of raising my kids helped diminish my feelings of loneliness. Surrounded by family, friends, and a rich community, I found connections that filled my days with purpose. While I ponder the future and the potential return of loneliness, I remain grateful for this vibrant chapter of my life.