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Why We’ve Chosen to Have Just One Child
Over the years, some particularly observant individuals have noted that my partner and I have only one child. A few brave souls, usually strangers, have even dared to ask whether we plan to expand our family.
If I’m feeling playful, I might respond with something like, “Are you looking to sell any of yours?” or “Yeah, but I can’t seem to find the right model on eBay.” Typically, though, my mood isn’t quite so sunny, and my replies can get a bit snarky.
When you have just one child, it seems to open the floodgates for questions that would be deemed inappropriate in most other contexts—unless tequila, or perhaps a wild costume party, is involved. People hesitate to discuss politics with acquaintances, but when they see you have one kid, they suddenly feel entitled to offer unsolicited opinions. You know, like those folks who think it’s okay to touch a pregnant woman’s belly or comment on your grocery cart.
“Are you really buying 14 grapefruits?”
“Nope, just leasing them. Now move along, Rain Man.”
It often starts innocently enough with, “So, you’ve only got the one…”—suggesting that there must be a deep reason behind our choice (children, not grapefruits—let’s keep our focus). Instead of responding thoughtfully, I often resort to passive-aggressive humor.
“Yep, my reproductive abilities took a hit after Vietnam, but I’d still sign up again if they called.”
“My partner and I decided the world already has enough of our demographic, but we’re not into adoption. All the good Asian babies are gone.”
“I had to hire a guy off the street to help get my partner pregnant. Twice. We couldn’t afford to keep him around for more.”
I know that most of these inquiries aren’t meant to be hurtful, but I can’t help but take them that way. The truth is, we would love to have another child, maybe even two, but our age, finances, and existing health issues make that difficult.
Conceiving our daughter, Emma, was a journey fraught with challenges. We tried everything: tracking cycles, measuring temperatures, and even performing some rather odd rituals involving fast food. Despite all that effort, the results were underwhelming.
To complicate matters, it turns out that the male anatomy can be quite temperamental, especially under stress. One minute, things are all systems go, and the next, well, let’s just say it can feel like trying to fit a marshmallow into a coin slot. Ladies, trust me: the worst thing you can do in these moments is ask, “Is everything okay?”
My partner faced her own hurdles, but let’s not dive too deep into that. Let’s just say that the female reproductive system can be as unpredictable as an aging car.
Eventually, we turned to fertility specialists and went through multiple rounds of IVF. It’s a long story, but if anyone tells you that nightly injections are a bonding experience, they’re kidding themselves. After a long and challenging process, we ended up with six viable embryos. Unfortunately, a mix-up led to thawing four for our first attempt instead of two, and none survived.
Emma was born after the last embryo was implanted. We were convinced it wouldn’t work, so when the doctor called with the news, we were in disbelief. “Emma is on the way,” she said. It took a full ten months for our little miracle to arrive.
Though we’ve talked about having another child, our attempts at conception are akin to the chances of a Polish cavalry unit against Nazi tanks—definitely not favorable. We’ve also thought about adoption, but I worry I might harbor resentment if challenges arise, potentially affecting Emma.
Realistically, we’ve decided to focus on raising the wonderful child we have rather than risking the emotional rollercoaster of IVF or adoption. Life’s too short, and we want to invest our time and energy into the amazing journey of parenthood with Emma. If you’re curious about home insemination, this article from Artificial Insemination Wikipedia is an excellent resource, and for more insights, check out this post on home insemination kits. Additionally, Make a Mom provides great information on this topic.
In summary, while we’d love to have more children, we’ve come to embrace the joy of raising just one. It’s a choice we’re happy with, and we’re committed to being the best parents we can be to Emma.