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Why a Cultural Shift is Essential for Our Kids
Earlier this summer, I chatted with my friend Sarah, who recently took a position at the health center of our local university. I was curious about the issues she encountered—was it just routine colds, or something more concerning? With my daughter heading off to college, I find myself constantly seeking insights from those in the know because, like many parents, I worry about binge drinking and unprotected sex. Sarah’s response surprised me: “I see a lot of anxiety.”
“Really? Even here?” I asked, recalling my own time at the same university. While I had my share of stress—like that dreadful day I received a D on my math exam—I never thought of the place as overly anxiety-inducing. Sure, I felt down for a bit, but I managed to bounce back. Unfortunately, a university counselor I spoke to explained that today’s students often lack the coping skills to navigate their emotions. “I teach them how to ride their feelings,” he said.
Coping skills—what a nebulous concept! Are these abilities something kids naturally develop, or do they need to be taught? Many articles have explored how today’s youth struggle with emotional resilience, especially when they arrive at college. Professors I know discuss how parenting has drastically changed over the years; it’s become common for parents to call about grades or to accompany their kids to admissions meetings. Yet, the alarming rise in mental health issues among college students tells a different story.
Recently, I finished reading How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kids for Success by Julie Lythcott-Haims. Her arguments resonated with me, especially her critiques of modern parenting practices that solve children’s problems instead of encouraging independence. I see these trends all around me, and I can’t help but relate to them.
Some of my friends, however, actively promote independence for their kids. One even moved away from a high-pressure community to help her children escape the relentless competition. They argue that social media plays a significant role in fostering anxiety, presenting an unrealistic “curated self” that pressures kids to keep up with their peers. Just the other day, my daughter excitedly shared photos of an upperclassman from her college—an adventurer with enviable experiences. “Look at all she’s done!” my daughter exclaimed. But does she realize that even those who seem to have it all together face moments of self-doubt?
My daughter is fiercely independent; she’s been managing her own homework and laundry since she was young. She even handled her college applications solo. I admire her self-sufficiency, but I can’t help but wonder about her inner life. Can she reflect on her experiences? Can she soothe herself through tough times like homesickness or loneliness? I hope so, but only time will tell. The truth is, everyone encounters setbacks, and knowing that these feelings are normal can make a world of difference.
As we navigate the complex challenges our children face as they transition into adulthood, it’s clear that the answer isn’t simply to dial back on overparenting. While my daughter embodies independence, the pervasive influence of social media remains a challenge. It sends powerful messages about success, which often focus narrowly on elite colleges. We’ve tried to counteract these pressures in our family, but it’s an uphill battle. We need to keep these conversations going and perhaps ease up on the expectations—after all, the well-being of our children is what truly matters, and so many are struggling under the weight of it all.
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In summary, it’s crucial for us to recognize the changing landscape of parenting and the pressures our kids face today. By fostering open discussions about these issues and promoting emotional resilience, we can better equip our children to handle the complexities of life.