Letting Go of the Busy Armor in Our Marriage

home insemination Kit

It was December, and we unexpectedly found ourselves with a rare night off together. My parents had come to visit, and in the afternoon, my mom texted me at work, “Don’t rush home. Spend some time with your husband. Go grab a drink. Look into each other’s eyes.” I appreciated her suggestion and promised we would. It reminded me of those early days after our first child was born—when I was utterly captivated by her, consumed with nursing and watching her sleep. My mom used to gently remind me to save some love for Jake. Those words often echo in my mind over the years, especially when Jake asks, “What about us? When do we get to be a priority?”

I told Jake we had a free pass for the evening, and he seemed surprised. “Really? So, what’s the plan?” Instead of excitement, I felt a wave of fatigue wash over me. We stood there, hesitating, as if we were unsure how to reconnect after all the busyness.

We decided to try a new restaurant nearby. As we climbed into the truck, I wondered if they would have room for us without a reservation. Jake shrugged, “We won’t know until we ask.” I envied his ease in shifting into date mode.

As NPR played softly in the background, we arrived at the restaurant—a beautiful old mansion with a wrap-around porch. I thought about our own porch, still covered in ice, and the two trees in the backyard that needed attention after the storm. The trampoline was buried under snow.

Jake kissed my cheek before heading inside to check for a table. I stood outside, anxiously hoping we wouldn’t be turned away. After a few moments, he texted me that we were in. I took a deep breath and walked up the path, trying to calm my racing thoughts.

Inside, the restaurant was bustling; bodies brushed against me as I settled into my seat. It felt chaotic, like a pinball machine with tables positioned for maximum collision. Jake looked relaxed across from me, which only made my unease grow. I distracted myself, wondering what our daughters were up to. Guilt washed over me with thoughts of chores left undone: laundry still in piles, a missing pajama top for Polar Express day, and the neighbor’s mail still on the counter.

“Would you like to start with a drink?” our waitress asked, snapping me back to the moment. Jake quickly ordered a bottle of sauvignon blanc, smiling at me as he asked, “Sound good, babe?” I nodded, taken aback, “Yes, perfect.” I watched the waitress leave, unable to meet Jake’s hopeful gaze. How did adoration turn into just another task?

The vulnerability that comes with marriage and parenting can be overwhelming. Each day presents new challenges, and I often feel like I’m trying to juggle a multi-course meal, each dish requiring precise timing and attention. If my marriage were a soufflé, I feared it would have collapsed by now.

“Hey,” Jake leaned in and asked softly, “Are you alright?” He studied my face. I forced a smile, “Yep.” But he tilted his head, knowing I was glossing over something deeper. As our meals arrived, I made an effort to focus. Slowly, the noise faded away, and I found myself captivated by his eyes and hands.

When he plays guitar, he concentrates on his fingers, moving them gracefully over the strings. At home, I often catch him practicing while I settle on the couch, and it reminds me of summer days back in ’99, when everything felt so new. I would kiss his forehead, and he’d tease me about my tooth that sometimes caught on my lip, a small detail that still makes me feel special.

“Are you ready?” he asked, and I nodded. “What’s next?” he inquired, and suddenly I realized how much I longed to be close to him. These moments when I’m not wrapped up in mom duties are rare. A spark ignited within me, reminding me that beneath the layers of exhaustion, I still exist.

“How about shooting pool?” I suggested. His smile was infectious. Leaning over the table, cue in hand, I felt my worries fade. I let my shoulders drop; it didn’t matter if I made a mistake. Sometimes, you just have to trust yourself and enjoy the moment.

I’ve learned that love and marriage aren’t always effortless. I used to think that if it was true love, everything would flow easily. But the reality is that building a strong marriage requires effort and the willingness to see beyond the chaos.

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In summary, it’s vital to dismantle the armor of busyness in our marriages and make time for each other. By letting go of distractions and prioritizing connection, we can rekindle the love that initially brought us together.