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The 10 Commandments of Southern Parenting
Ah, the charm of a Southern upbringing! Growing up in the South means mastering the art of colorful language during backyard games and finding your own fishing bait. We all knew how to tidy up our attire (and our language) just in time for Sunday church services. If you’ve ever had a dog named after a legendary football coach or savored some homemade venison sausage, you likely hail from below the Mason-Dixon line. And as any true Southerner will tell you, raising your little ones involves following the 10 Commandments of Southern Parenting.
- Thou Shalt Monogram
Is that monogram looking sharp on a diaper bag? As a Southern parent, you’ll find yourself monogramming everything that stands still, so think carefully when choosing your baby’s name. And remember, the last name must go in the middle! You can’t have a bag with “SUS” on it for little Susie Smith. Goodness gracious, no! - Thou Shalt Pick Your Own Switch
Nothing instills the fear of God in a child quite like making them choose their own discipline tool. Whether it’s a wooden spoon from the kitchen or a privilege they’ll lose, having your child pick their own switch is a time-honored Southern tradition. - Thou Shalt Make Casseroles for Every Occasion
If you don’t have a signature poppy seed chicken casserole or a family Jell-O mold recipe, it’s time to call your mama. Bringing store-bought lasagna to a neighbor’s housewarming? That’s akin to giving them the cold shoulder. You just can’t replicate Southern hospitality with something from the Costco freezer aisle! - Thou Shalt Not Waste (aka Waste Not, Want Not)
Don’t even think about tossing that bacon grease! There’s a second (and third) use for everything. You might find yourself in your cousin’s hand-me-downs or showing up at work with leftovers in a Cool Whip container. If that’s news to you, bless your heart—you’re wasting! - Thou Shalt Dress Your Child in Patent Leather Shoes
Those shiny black shoes for Sunday school or classic navy sandals for toddlers are non-negotiable. From johnnies and jumpers to bubble outfits, dressing your child appropriately is essential. And don’t forget the seersucker and bowties for Easter—it’s practically a rite of passage! - Thou Shalt Say ‘Ma’am,’ ‘Sir,’ ‘Miss,’ and ‘Mister’
The first time I was told to drop the “Miss” before an adult’s name, it felt like I was swallowing a hairball. For Southerners, using these respectful titles is key, and we instill that in our kids, no matter how “old-fashioned” it may seem. - Thou Shalt Bless… Everything
Bless the meal, bless his soul, and don’t forget to bless her heart! Teaching gratitude is vital, and if you’re from the South, you know how blessed you truly are. - Thou Shalt Teach Your Child the Importance of Loyalty
Football loyalty, that is! If your little one hasn’t learned the fight song or the mascot by age two, you might as well pack your bags and leave! Teach them to think the rival team’s cheer is filled with “bad words” to reinforce their allegiance. Go Tigers! - Thou Shalt Honor Thy Mother and Father (and That Random Lady at the Park)
Respecting elders is a Southern staple. Whether they’re related or not, your child should listen to any adult who tells them to behave. After all, nothing is scarier than hearing, “Just wait until your daddy gets home!” - Thou Shalt Become Your Mother
If you’ve ever said, “I brought you into this world…” or “You better quit that crying or…” then congrats, you’re on the path to becoming your mother. If you’re already scraping high chair leftovers for lunch because “there are starving kids in Africa,” then you’ve officially made it.
Even if the idea of turning into your mother seems daunting, remember—she’s the one who raised you right. And that counts for something, doesn’t it?
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Summary:
Raising children in the South comes with its own set of unique traditions and expectations. From monogramming to casseroles, teaching respect and loyalty, to embracing the quirks of Southern motherhood, these commandments are all about instilling values while keeping that Southern charm alive.