17 Things Toddlers Never Say (That We Wish They Would)

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I thought I had it all figured out with my easygoing little ones—until they hit that magical age of 18 months. Suddenly, they developed their own opinions, and those opinions rarely aligned with mine. Wouldn’t it be nice if toddlers could just take a moment to consider our feelings and cooperate a bit more? Here are 17 things we wish toddlers would say.

1. “Sure, I’ll sleep in! I know we were up late because of my bedtime meltdown (sorry about that!), and I think we could both use an extra hour of shut-eye this morning.”
2. “Look at me! I put on my own shoes and I’m patiently waiting by the door. I promise not to hide and laugh maniacally when we’re already running late!”
3. “Any shirt is great! Elmo’s in the wash? No worries—this striped one from Grandma is perfect. I won’t make a face in our picture.”
4. “I’m all about flexibility! Cut that sandwich however you like.”
5. “I’ll just wait my turn for that shovel and gently take it from Potential Friend’s hand. I promise not to hit him with the sand pail!”
6. “Mom, I know you’ve had a long day. Any meal you make will be fantastic. Pasta every night can get a bit dull!”
7. “I can’t wait for bath time! And getting out? Count me in! I’ll gladly dry off and wear any clean diaper—no need to dig for the Elmo one!”
8. “I can keep my private parts private in public.”
9. “Transitions are my favorite! Leaving the playground is the highlight of my day.”
10. “I love waiting my turn and not poking that other kid in the eye.”
11. “Hair washing? Bring it on! I can tilt my head back and close my eyes like a pro. Water in my ears? It’s like a spa day!”
12. “While we’re at it, please trim my nails. I can’t stand having long, dirty nails!”
13. “Grooming is actually super fun. Go ahead, cut my hair! I love the sounds of the clippers.”
14. “Your friend’s kid? Not a snotty-nosed monster! He’s the life of the party! We’ll take adorable pictures together, and I won’t claw his eyes out.”
15. “I love sitting in high chairs at restaurants! I hope the food takes forever. I promise not to start what you call Stage One of Losing My Shit!”
16. “Cars are my jam! I know you want to get home for my nap, and I won’t fall asleep for just four minutes and ruin the rest of the day.”
17. “There’s a smear of avocado on my hands from lunch, but I’m cool with it. Enjoy your meal, you deserve it!”

Okay, maybe they aren’t thinking these things just yet. But one day they’ll grow out of this challenging phase, right? And they’ll be all like, “Mom, how can I help?” We can only hope! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to boil some pasta.

For more tips and insights on parenting, check out another one of our blog posts here. If you’re exploring home insemination options, be sure to visit Make a Mom for valuable resources and support. Additionally, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource for anyone considering pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary

Toddlers often have their own ideas that clash with parents’ wishes. This light-hearted list highlights 17 things we wish our little ones would say, from their willingness to sleep in to their love for bath time. It’s a playful reminder of the amusing challenges of parenting toddlers and the hope that they’ll eventually grow out of this stage.