If you spotted me at the grocery store with my son, you might be tempted to raise an eyebrow or sigh in annoyance. You could find yourself waiting impatiently as my cart blocks the aisle while I dig through my oversized purse for the box of Mike and Ikes I stashed away for moments like this—those inevitable meltdowns when my little one is crying to be held and I’m bribing him with candy to keep him in the cart.
I’m that mom, and I make no apologies.
I’m the mom who bargains, pleads, and sometimes resorts to bribery when necessary. I’m the mom who allows my child to indulge in cookies and sweets before dinner if it helps us avoid a scene. I’m the mom who hands my 2-year-old a butter knife in a restaurant just so I can enjoy the meal I paid for. I’m the mom who opts to turn the heat on in the car to keep his feet warm rather than face a tantrum over wearing socks.
I’m that mom at my wit’s end, willing to do whatever it takes to navigate through the grocery store, endure a meal, survive a church service, or make it to bedtime. I never envisioned myself as that mom. While I was pregnant, I used to watch other moms beg their kids to behave and promised myself, that will never be me. I had it all planned out—I would be the mom who never compromised, who would be firmly in charge. I thought I’d let my child cry it out, scream if he had to, and enforce my rules without exception.
But, oh, was I in for a surprise. The child I was expecting turned out to be just as stubborn as I am, wanting to take the lead too. I couldn’t have anticipated how much his tears would affect me, or the lengths I’d go to avoid them. My son turned my perspective upside down and revealed that the mom he needs me to be is, indeed, that mom.
That mom who recognizes her child’s needs and is willing to adapt because a child’s happiness is irreplaceable, and they’re only little for a short time. That mom who understands that sleepiness often leads to tantrums and chooses to comfort rather than scold. That mom who chooses joy over struggle, laughter over tears, and silliness over shouting.
You might think I’m a bit out there as I dance in the rain with my son to keep him smiling. I’m the mom who scoops him up like a football, or as he calls it a “hotball,” and runs for a touchdown instead of insisting he walk on his own. I’ve learned that candy isn’t the enemy (it’s more of a lifesaver) and that compromising doesn’t equate to weakness.
Being that mom isn’t about taking the easy route; it’s about setting aside my ideas of what motherhood should look like to become the mother my son truly needs. So, feel free to roll your eyes. Go ahead and whisper to your partner about my parenting choices. Gasp when you see my toddler playing with a butter knife or a tool you think is off-limits. Stand impatiently while I let him press buttons on the debit machine.
I apologize for the delay, but I refuse to apologize for being the mom you may vow never to be. Maybe you won’t find yourself in my shoes; maybe you’ll be the mom who stands firm and lets her child cry it out—something I couldn’t manage. Perhaps you’ll embody the mother I once aspired to be. Maybe your child won’t require you to be that mom.
But my son needs me to be, and for that, I won’t apologize.
So if you discover that you’ve become the mom you swore you’d never be because your child’s needs trump the image you had in mind, I hope you won’t feel remorse either. Sacrificing our desires for the needs of our children is what motherhood is all about, and it’s something we should embrace without regret.
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Summary
This heartfelt piece explores the realities of motherhood through the lens of a mom who embraces the unconventional choices she makes for her son’s happiness. It highlights the importance of adapting to a child’s needs, even if it means becoming the mom she never thought she’d be, and encourages other mothers to embrace their own unique paths without feeling apologetic.