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The Pumpkin Patch Experience: A Truthful Tale
Updated: Sep. 7, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 19, 2023
Over the years, my family has visited countless pumpkin patches and farms, and let me tell you, the experience is almost always the same. If you’ve never embarked on this family adventure, let me paint a picture of what you’re missing. Picture this:
Your little one wakes you up before dawn, fully aware that it’s Pumpkin Patch Day. It’s your fault they know this, of course, because you circled it on the calendar in bright red ink. It doesn’t matter that your toddler can’t read yet; they’ve cracked your secret code faster than you could have imagined. Cue the chaos as they bounce around the house, waking everyone with shouts of, “It’s pumpkin patch day!” Even though their vocabulary is still developing, that message is clear as day.
Now you’re up early, whether you like it or not. You lay out their outfits, meticulously picked out and labeled with their names—socks, underwear, pants, shirts, and coats—hoping for that one perfect family photo to send to relatives who never appreciate them anyway. But despite your best efforts, one child will inevitably show up in a fairy princess dress, complete with a tiara and goggles. Accepting that you’ll never get that perfect shot is the first step to enjoying the day—grab a coffee and roll with it.
You pile into the van with baby carriers, a fluffy pumpkin costume for the baby (because you’re still dreaming of that “Baby’s First Autumn” picture), and an arsenal of towels and garbage bags, thanks to last year’s lessons learned. Outside, it’s dark, pouring rain, and colder than a polar bear’s toenails. But you know that by the time you reach the pumpkin patch, everyone will be sweating in the sun. So, you pack even more outfits, just in case. Of course, your daughter’s fairy princess attire is still a wild card.
Upon arriving at the farm, the kids bolt in every direction. You manage to corral them for the hayride, where Dad buys tickets for the corn maze because it seemed like a fun idea. The kids are buzzing with excitement over a distant tractor, but you remind them they have pumpkins to pick first.
Just when you think you’ve got a handle on things, you realize the “pumpkin field” resembles the muddy marshes from a fantasy novel. Those orange dots far away? Yep, those are your pumpkins, floating like little boats. Your child in the fairy dress? They’re the smartest one here.
Once on the hay wagon, prepare for a bumpy ride. As soon as you disembark, one of the little ones suddenly needs to use the restroom—a completely unprecedented event. They’ll insist on using the portable toilet, while the child who refuses to use the toilet at home now can’t wait to get inside.
The pumpkin selection process is a mix of giggles and chaos, complete with muddy mishaps and the inevitable “I want that pumpkin!” chants every few minutes. Just a reminder: Don’t leave your coats behind in the mud. You’ll be carrying them the rest of the day.
After finally paying a small fortune for your pumpkins, it’s time to tackle the corn maze. If dragging muddy kids through a stinky path sounds fun to you, then you’re in for a treat. As you navigate, your baby starts crying, and you’ll find yourself multitasking like a pro, nursing while trying to wrangle a toddler sitting in a puddle.
Once you survive the maze, it’s time for the tractor ride—the moment your kids have been waiting for. When they start to cry and scream, just wave and smile; you paid for this experience, after all.
You attempt to capture the chaos in a photo with your muddy, dazed children, but of course, one is in the middle of a meltdown. Then it’s off to the barn-turned-store, where you resist the urge to splurge on everything autumn-themed. Save your cash for something more practical—like wine.
Finally, you load up the pumpkins and prepare for the ride home, where your kids will undoubtedly strip down in the van (don’t worry; towels make great skirts). Crank up some soothing tunes and hand out kettle corn, trying not to think about the lack of pants. When you finally get home, it’s bath time for everyone.
So, the next time you see those beautiful jack-o’-lanterns on porches, take a moment to remember the effort that went into getting them there—unless, of course, those pumpkins came from Walmart.
The pumpkin patch is indeed a place for unforgettable memories, providing ample material for stories to share with your kids—or their future therapists. If you’re interested in more tips and stories on family adventures, check out one of our other blog posts here.
Summary:
Navigating the pumpkin patch experience can be chaotic yet memorable, filled with the joys and challenges of family outings. From early wake-ups and costume mishaps to muddy fields and tractor rides, these adventures create lasting memories for both parents and kids. It’s a reminder of the lengths we go for those perfect holiday photos, even if they don’t always turn out as planned.