The trend of having a birth partner has become the norm in many parts of the U.S., with the expectation that you’ll have your partner, a doula, or at least someone to support you during labor. Our generation has recognized that every mom’s journey is unique, and having someone there can provide comfort and help convey your wishes to the medical team.
However, I opted for a more traditional approach. Not long ago, many fathers waited in the waiting room while women gave birth. My own mother had never heard of a doula until she was well into her grandparenting years. So, when the time came for my second child, I decided to leave my husband and toddler at home.
Preterm labor played a significant role in my decision. After a family swim on a scorching Sunday in July, I found myself at 33 weeks pregnant, showered and in one of the last few outfits that fit—a comfy pink maternity nightgown. At my last checkup, I learned my baby was breech. I even tried doing some summersaults in the pool to encourage my baby to turn. But after a few hours of rest, the cramps began, and I soon realized I was experiencing regular contractions.
With no nearby family and not having arranged emergency childcare, I told my husband I thought the doctors could stop the contractions, and I expected to be home by morning. Deep down, I knew that wasn’t the case. My first child had been born at 32 weeks due to a partial placental abruption, and I had a feeling I was on a similar path this time around.
After helping my toddler pick out a bedtime book for Dad, I quietly left for the hospital. Upon arrival, my contractions intensified to an overwhelming level of pain. An ultrasound confirmed the baby was still upside down, and then my water broke—there was no turning back. I was in so much pain that I was screaming, and as they rushed me to the operating room, I was signing consent forms. When asked if I’d called my emergency contact, I said no. I didn’t want to alarm my husband. A staff member kindly called him, stating, “Your wife is having an emergency C-section. She will call you when it’s over.”
It was around midnight when my husband, confused and worried, turned to Google for information on emergency C-sections. However, he wisely chose to close his laptop and do some laundry to keep himself occupied. He was there for my first premature delivery, and he understood that there was very little we could control in the hospital setting.
The surgeon assured me the baby would be out in 10 minutes—and she delivered on that promise. I heard my son cry and caught a quick glimpse of him before he was taken to the NICU. Lying there while they stitched me up, I felt surprisingly calm.
During my first delivery, my husband took on a strong role, but the chaos of that experience had clearly worn him out. With both of them safe at home, I could solely focus on my recovery and the new baby. As an introvert, I found comfort in solitude and used the quiet moments to process what was happening. I spoke with my husband on the phone and checked in with the nurses about my baby’s condition. Without a support person, I felt I had the space to absorb everything.
Going it alone isn’t ideal for everyone. But if you feel like having just medical staff or a midwife is right for you, don’t let the pressure of needing a sidekick weigh you down. It’s all about finding what suits your personality and circumstances best.
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Summary
In this article, I shared my experience of choosing to go through my C-section alone instead of bringing a birth partner. While many find comfort in having someone by their side, I found peace in solitude, allowing me to process my experience in my own way. Whether you prefer a support person or not, the most important thing is to choose what feels right for you.