Abortion: A Choice I Never Expected to Face

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As a proud Democrat, it’s no shock that I identify as pro-choice. What may come as a surprise, though, is that I hold an anti-abortion stance. While I completely understand the myriad of reasons a woman might choose to terminate her pregnancy, I always believed that my baby was my baby and that I would find a way to navigate whatever challenges came my way. Abortion was never something I thought I would consider—until the moment that choice became real.

During our 19-week anatomy ultrasound, the technician was unusually quiet. I tried to brush off my anxiety, but my instincts were correct. We took a glimpse at our baby’s little face and watched her heart beat, and then we learned that we were having a girl. (Another girl—what an adventure awaited us!) Then the doctor entered.

Our baby, whom we named Lily Grace, had been diagnosed with skeletal dysplasia. My husband held my arm tightly and smiled at me. Our daughter was a dwarf, and in our eyes, she was perfect. I couldn’t deny the shakiness in my heart, but I felt confident that we could handle this. However, when the doctor mentioned the term “lethal,” it slowly became clear that Lily wouldn’t survive.

Ultrasounds typically don’t reveal signs of dwarfism until later stages, and sometimes the condition isn’t discovered until after birth. The fact that Lily’s limbs were noticeably short at just 19 weeks indicated the severity of her condition. Her skeletal issues would worsen, and while I could carry her to term, her rib cage would eventually prevent her lungs from functioning properly, leading to her passing shortly after birth.

We faced two options: terminate the pregnancy now or carry her to term knowing we’d have to witness her suffocate shortly after delivery. For us, the decision was clear. Not only would it be traumatic for our entire family, including our young children, to watch her grow and then say goodbye, but we couldn’t bear the thought of her suffering. I made the choice to have the abortion.

No one expects to hear that something might be wrong with their child. I found myself wishing she would simply be a dwarf—what a blessing that would be! We could love her and show her how wanted she truly was. But I couldn’t allow her to endure suffering, even if it meant I had to endure pain in the process.

The support from friends and family was overwhelming. Many people we knew, who identified as pro-life, told us we were making the right choice for Lily; this wasn’t a typical abortion scenario, and while we understood that, society often failed to see it that way.

Even though we believed we were making the best decision for our daughter, we encountered significant obstacles. Our insurance would cover expenses only if I carried her to term and she passed naturally. Since we had already ruled out watching our precious daughter suffocate, we faced the possibility of going into debt for the procedure. We were not discarding our baby because we deemed her unworthy; we wanted her deeply, but she wasn’t meant for this world.

The procedure itself would take two days. I was terrified that first morning. Nothing about this was easy. I cried throughout the morning, but it wasn’t until I was on the table that I truly broke down. My husband laid his head on my belly and whispered, “Daddy loves you, Lily.” The weight of our loss crushed any remaining strength I had. Though I was the one undergoing the procedure, I knew countless others were affected by our choice.

They administered medicine to ease my anxiety and alleviate pain while placing laminaria inside my cervix to help it expand. Then, they injected Lily to stop her heart. I wouldn’t feel her movements again.

Afterward, I felt exhausted and sore, and the medication allowed me to drift into unconsciousness for the remainder of the day. The next morning, I awoke feeling crampy and empty in ways I couldn’t begin to describe. Within hours, the cramps intensified, and we frantically rushed to the clinic ahead of schedule.

As we arrived, protesters shouted at us, waving graphic images of aborted babies. I felt unfazed. Didn’t they realize I had already seen the reality of our situation? I had done my research, and although I was filled with emotion, I wasn’t entering blindly. I was a grown woman who understood the gravity of my decision, even if it hurt.

Within moments of entering the clinic, my water broke, and soon after, the laminaria was expelled rapidly. They brought me into a room, set up an IV, and the evacuation process began. Fear had dissipated; Lily’s life was what mattered most to me.

The final moments were a blur, but far from the nightmare many describe. Once it was over, a nurse helped clean me up, and the doctor handed me my baby. Her little face bore signs of the procedure, and the doctor suggested covering her. I trusted her advice and spent precious minutes gently caressing her legs, counting her toes, and whispering how much I loved her, marveling at her beauty.

The days following Lily’s departure have been surreal. I often talk about her as if she’ll arrive as we had originally planned. Although I experienced the procedure and held her, it still feels as though she’s not truly gone.

I refuse to label her as merely “the fetus” or say that I “terminated my pregnancy.” I believe in being straightforward. Her name is Lily, and I made the choice to end her life. She is my daughter, and I took the opportunity to spare her suffering. This isn’t just a statistic or political debate—this is my life and Lily’s. While everyone holds the right to their opinions, no one has the right to judge me for mine. This has been the most heartbreaking experience of my life, yet I wouldn’t change a thing. I will carry the loss of Lily with me every day, but I find solace in knowing she never had to endure suffering. All she ever felt was the warmth of my womb and the love of her father’s hand.

If you’re interested in more on this subject, you can check out this resource about the IVF process or explore our blog on home insemination for additional insights. For those considering home insemination, BabyMaker’s kits are a great resource to help you start your journey.

In summary, this deeply personal experience sheds light on the complexities of choice, love, and loss. As I navigate through the grief of losing my daughter, I hold onto the belief that I made the right decision to spare her from suffering, and I honor her memory every day.