The Conversation I Had to Initiate With My Partner

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After years of dating and sharing our lives together, my partner and I had developed a sort of unspoken language when it came to intimacy. In those early days of parenthood, with little ones running around and our schedules packed, it was a lifesaver. What used to be a passionate build-up turned into a quick, “Hey, the kids are asleep! Meet me on the couch!” followed by a brief, somewhat awkward few minutes of trying to reconnect.

But as the years went by, I noticed that our playful shorthand was becoming less frequent. One day, while glancing at the calendar, I realized it had been over a month since we had shared any intimate moments at all. That realization hit me hard; it was more than just a dry spell—it felt like we were becoming complacent in our relationship. We needed to address this, but I wasn’t sure how to start.

I began to think about what I wanted to communicate to my partner—things like the significance of nurturing our intimacy and the importance of physical connection. I wanted to make a case for being a little more selfish with our time together. However, as I contemplated my words, my insecurities bubbled up. Had I lost my allure since gaining a few pounds? As I embraced middle age, I couldn’t help but notice that while my partner seemed to age gracefully, I felt like I was becoming a bit frumpy. Was I still attractive to him?

These nagging doubts spiraled into more irrational thoughts, leading me to wonder if he was seeking affection elsewhere. I spent a whole day caught up in these worries, analyzing his routine for any signs of infidelity, but found no evidence to support my fears.

Was this just what happens after years of marriage? I had heard about the “Seven-Year Itch,” a concept suggesting that long-term relationships often face challenges as time goes on. The mundane responsibilities of family life often overshadow the romance, leaving little room for intimacy. A friend had once warned me that after nearly a decade together, it would be a miracle if our relationship remained intact without whispers of separation or divorce.

Yet here we were, ten years in, and I was determined to reignite the spark before those ominous words became a reality. Should I invest in some new outfits or perhaps explore a bit of adult entertainment? Maybe it was time to trade in my comfy mom wear for something a little more exciting. How much of this lull in our relationship was my fault?

Despite the chaos of family life, I knew deep down that my partner and I still shared love and desire for each other. We still exchanged playful banter, even amidst the daily grind. I remembered moments when he would sneak a quick kiss or playful slap on the rear amidst the morning rush.

As I gathered my thoughts about how much I missed our intimacy and the simple joy of being held, I felt a twinge of vulnerability. Wasn’t this phase of life meant to be challenging? Ultimately, I realized that staying silent would be just as damaging as ignoring the problem altogether. Our relationship deserved to be a priority, regardless of the challenges we faced.

So, after much reflection and a wave of nerves, I sat my partner down for a heart-to-heart. “Hey, we need to talk.”

If you’re interested in exploring more about intimacy and family life, check out this post on our other blog. For those considering starting a family, Women’s Health is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re looking for quality products, check out BabyMaker’s home insemination kit for your journey.

Summary

In my quest to rekindle intimacy with my partner after years of marriage and parenting, I faced insecurities and doubts but ultimately decided to have an open conversation about our needs. Recognizing that love and desire still existed, I took the step to prioritize our relationship.