A Mom’s Solo Adventure in Target

home insemination Kit

You’ve already dealt with enough messes this week—scraping boogers off walls, wiping bottoms, and maybe even cleaning pee off the bathroom floor. You absolutely deserve some pampering, though let’s be real, a few hours at Target is the best you can do right now. So, here’s the deal: don’t mess with a mom in Target when she’s by herself (unless you can walk, talk, and munch on a pretzel the size of your head at the same time). She’s got a mission to complete—shopping from her list while sneaking in a little self-indulgence.

First Stop: Caffeine Fix

Head straight to grab a caffeinated drink. You might feel a little giddy as you wander into the home section, running your hands over those cozy throws. You earned it! You got the kids to school on time today and even managed to shower. Treat yourself to the largest drink they have—after all, you rarely do this.

Clothes Aisle

Just stroll through. You’re flying solo! Take a gander; oh hey, those skinny jeans look adorable! They seem like they run big, so just grab a pair and try them on. Wow, did I see red? You need red jeans! Get them all; why not? You totally deserve this.

Dressing Room Drama

What the heck?! Who is responsible for the awful lighting in here? Seriously, what’s happening? These jeans are tiny! Could they make the zipper any smaller? Who even fits in this? Get me out of here!

Cosmetics Section

Time to grab that anti-wrinkle cream, and pick up some anti-cellulite lotion too. Don’t forget the hair color—grab an extra just in case. Oh, and red nail polish—if the jeans don’t work out, at least you’ll have fabulous nails! Sure, this is getting pricey, but you deserve it. Plus, you didn’t buy any jeans that will only fit your kid’s doll.

Shoe Aisle

Child No. 3 needs shoelaces? Where the heck are they? These flats are cute! You could totally use a new pair of black ones. Wow, pointy toes are so in right now. Just get them. You never treat yourself to shoes like this. Get both pairs and put the booties back. Come on, have some self-control.

Underwear Section

Spanx. Just Spanx.

Grocery Aisle

You’re starting to feel a bit peckish. That popcorn smells divine! But after that dressing room fiasco, maybe skip the Pop Tarts. You’re due for your period soon anyway. Might just be water weight. Let’s check out these organic granola bars instead. Sounds healthy, right? Just one won’t hurt.

Toy Section

Oh, heck no.

Home Goods Section

This is your last stop before tackling that shopping list. You’re in a hurry now! Nice picture frames, you need new ones. And that pillow—wow, Nate Berkus, you have my heart! If you buy the pillow, you’ll need a new throw too. Ooh, the pouf! No, don’t even look at it. Oh wait, you have to pee. Just act casual. You love the pouf, so go for it! You deserve it!

Checkout Chaos

Hurry up—move it! Sorry that the bowl you wanted rang up at $5.98 instead of $4.62, but who cares? It’s still a steal. You’ve got two minutes to check out, take the biggest bathroom break of your life, refill that drink, and stash the pouf in your car. Yes, you have the red card. You’re aware those granola bars are empty. Let’s go!

Picking Up the Kid

You made it! You’re a tad late, but you did it! Plus, you got a workout shoving that pouf in the car. Feeling like the mother of the year! Nothing can ruin this awesome Target high until, “Hey Mom, did you pick up that paper for my science project? And what’s with the giant pillow?” Oh no!

For more tips on parenting, you might want to check out this post on home insemination, or visit Make a Mom for more on the subject. If you’re curious about pregnancy options, NHS is a fantastic resource.

Summary

Taking a solo trip to Target can be a mini-vacation for moms. From indulging in a caffeine fix to navigating the aisles for clothes, cosmetics, and even that irresistible pouf, it’s a whirlwind experience. Amid the chaos, a mother can find a moment of joy and escape—even if it leads to a comical end when the kids ask about the giant pillow!