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The Key to a Thriving Marriage
Recently, I caught up with an old friend, Sarah, who surprised me with the news that she had filed for divorce. After nearly two decades of marriage, she felt it was time to move on.
Curious about her decision, I asked what led her to this point. She shared that as their children grew up, she and her husband had drifted apart, discovering that they had little in common anymore. They had become like two strangers on parallel paths, each with their individual dreams for the future. For Sarah, this was a chance to rediscover herself as an independent woman—something she realized she had lost during the busy years of parenting.
In her case, the romance and intimacy seemed to fade away amidst the chaos of family life. While they were busy juggling careers, school events, and doctor visits, they found it hard to connect on a deeper level. Their children were the glue that held their marriage together, and once the kids became more self-sufficient, the bond between them weakened, leaving little to salvage in their loveless union.
As I drove home that evening, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness for Sarah and reflect on the many marriages I’ve witnessed crumble over the years—relationships I believed would stand the test of time. How do couples go from being blissfully in love to exchanging hurtful words until it all falls apart? How can two people who’ve shared two, three, or even four decades together decide to end it all?
I pondered what keeps a marriage strong and why my own relationship has endured through various challenges. There have been moments when keeping our heads above water felt impossible, yet counseling helped us navigate through disappointment and anger. During those turbulent times, we always managed to find our way back to each other, returning to the source of love that initially brought us together.
What’s the Secret to Longevity in Marriage?
So, what’s the secret to the longevity of our marriage? It’s hope. Hope is the thread that weaves us together and has guided us through some of our darkest days. Five years into our marriage, we faced the heartbreaking loss of our newborn son. While this tragedy could have torn us apart, it instead drew us closer as we leaned on each other for support, unlike many couples in our grief support group who ended up separating.
Hope also saw us through tough times, like when my partner lost his job. With four young kids at home, we were both overwhelmed and unsure of how to manage. I felt frustrated and wanted to blame him for our predicament, but I recognized that he needed my support, not my negativity. Despite the uncertainty, we held onto hope that a better opportunity would come along, and it eventually did.
Navigating the rollercoaster of raising teenagers also tested us. We often found ourselves on different sides of parenting decisions—my husband was the disciplinarian, while I took a more lenient approach. This dynamic led to frequent arguments, but we always managed to find common ground eventually.
The biggest challenge in our relationship, however, has been my battle with clinical depression. After so many years together, my husband has become adept at recognizing when I’m struggling. He gives me space to work through my feelings, yet always helps me find my joy again once the storm passes. It’s like riding an unpredictable roller coaster together—he holds on tight, ensuring that we’re always a team, whether we rise or fall.
Our commitment to facing challenges together rather than apart has made us stronger. We celebrate our victories as a couple and rely on each other as our greatest support. We’ve invested time and effort into nurturing our partnership, and neither of us has ever considered giving up. Choosing to be together is not purely for the sake of the kids; it’s about our shared goals as parents and as a couple, realizing that we are two halves of a whole.
The Ingredients for a Successful Marriage
Appreciation, communication, kindness, trust, and forgiveness are vital to our marriage’s success, alongside a good sense of humor. It’s the small gestures—a note on the fridge, flowers from the garden, finishing each other’s sentences, or sharing knowing glances—that really matter. Simple pleasures like impromptu kisses, late-night ice cream, silly dances to make each other laugh, or cuddling on a rainy Sunday afternoon illustrate our bond. It’s about being best friends, choosing to uplift one another, and embracing each other’s quirks. It’s a selfless love that seeks to give without expecting anything in return, reminding each other daily that we are cherished.
While I can’t truly understand what Sarah is experiencing, her reasons for ending her marriage are hers alone, and that’s what matters. What I can do is be there for her whenever she needs support. And I can show my husband every day that I’m a better person because of the love he has given me.
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In summary, a successful marriage thrives on hope, communication, and shared experiences. By nurturing the relationship through both challenging and joyful moments, couples can maintain a strong bond that can withstand the test of time.