An Effective Approach to Help Your Kids Stay in Bed After Lights Out

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We began a bedtime routine when my eldest was just a baby, incorporating every tip and trick we could find: dim lighting, soothing massages, lullabies; then it evolved into storytime, a sip of water, and prayers. Once he hit the age of 3, it became a bit of a circus: games, songs, multiple prayers, back rubs, and snuggles. Eventually, we ditched the elaborate routine because it started turning into an afternoon affair. Now, our routine is simply brushing teeth and saying prayers.

However, this doesn’t stop what I like to call the “second act” of bedtime, which kicks off the moment I kiss their foreheads, turn off the lights, and exit the room. I often find myself counting down in the hallway: “Five, four, three, two, one…” only to be interrupted by a call from their room.

“Mom, I need a drink of water,” my 5-year-old son announces.
“It’s right next to your bed,” I reply, giving him another kiss before heading to the kitchen to tackle the dishes.

I hear the patter of little feet in the hall. “Mom, I need to go to the bathroom,” he says. I say okay, and off he goes, returning to his room shortly after. I’m back to washing dishes when I hear a creak in the hallway.
“What’s going on?” I ask, irritation creeping into my voice.
“The fan is blowing on my feet,” he replies. So, back into the room I go (the toddler, still confined in his crib, watches with curious eyes) to cover his feet with a sheet—leaving the blanket off so he doesn’t overheat and ensuring it’s just the right amount of coverage.

“Alright, goodnight,” I say, returning to the dishes. A half hour of blissful silence follows, and just as I settle into my chair with a book and cookies, I’m startled by a little face peeking over the armrest.
“I forgot to tell you something!” he announces, and I brace myself as he fumbles for words. “Um…”
“Buddy,” I say (sometimes calmly, sometimes with a hint of exasperation), “GET BACK IN BED.”

Sometimes that ends the saga, but on difficult nights, this back-and-forth can drag on for a full two hours.

What if there was a better way? Enter the “sleep pass,” a concept similar to a hall pass for kids who keep bouncing out of bed and testing their parents’ patience. Dr. Emily Roberts, a child psychologist from the Family Behavior Institute, developed a study around the sleep pass—a simple 5-by-7-inch card that allows kids one authorized exit from bed per night. They could use it to go to the bathroom, grab a drink, or ask for a cuddle. After using it, they’d have to stay put, and parents could ignore any further calls for help. Dr. Roberts found that this method nearly eliminated crying and wandering out of the bedroom. Other studies have confirmed these results, showing that the pass system significantly reduces the bedtime “second act.”

The beauty of this approach is that it empowers both parents and children in what can often feel like a chaotic and emotional situation. Kids know they can leave their room once if they really need to, while parents can feel confident in keeping the door closed afterward. I’m excited to give this a try tonight. If it helps minimize the bedtime boomerang, I’m all in. My goal isn’t just to reclaim my peaceful evenings; my son needs more sleep, and the mere act of deciding whether to use the sleep pass might just help him drift off.

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Summary

Bedtime can be a real challenge for parents, but implementing a sleep pass may just provide the structure and comfort needed for kids to stay in bed. This strategy allows children to feel empowered while giving parents a much-needed break from the endless requests that often accompany bedtime.