As a single mom, I haven’t been intimate in quite some time—three years, to be exact. The last time was on my son’s first birthday, and now he’s just turned four. While he was busy blowing out the candles on his cake, I found myself silently celebrating three years of abstinence with a little imaginary cake of my own.
Back then, my relationship with my son’s dad was still intact, but as time passed, things began to fall apart. My friends kept joking about how I needed to “get a little action,” thinking that a night of passion would solve all my problems. However, I knew that wasn’t the answer.
Facing the Daunting Thought of Intimacy
As I approach my thirties, the thought of seeking out intimacy felt daunting. Honestly, sex wasn’t even on my radar. With the whirlwind of motherhood, it was easy for me to switch off that side of my life. Year after year, I found myself torn about how I really felt about intimacy.
When you’re a single mom with a toddler, abstaining from sex seems straightforward. I was so exhausted that I often didn’t realize what I was missing. My focus was on my little one, who was incredibly attached to me, and I simply didn’t have the time or energy for dating. Living with my parents added another layer of complexity. It was tricky enough in my twenties, but now as a thirty-something with a child, I wasn’t interested in answering their questions about my love life. Plus, let’s face it: many guys my age aren’t lining up to date a single mom living with her folks, even for something casual.
Finding My Confidence
After I split from my son’s dad, I went through a rough patch mentally. I turned my focus to my career, often working long hours. Even if I wanted to meet someone, I was far too exhausted. But as my writing started to take off, I gained more confidence. I made an effort with my appearance and even went out with friends a couple of times. Once, while out at a bar, a handsome guy flirted with me, but instead of excitement, I felt a wave of nausea. I realized I wasn’t ready for dating or intimacy, despite my friends’ well-meaning nudges to get back out there.
My friends couldn’t grasp how I managed to turn off that part of myself so easily, but it wasn’t as hard as it might seem. For me, sex was never the main focus; I always valued companionship, and casual flings just don’t appeal to me. Right now, I’m not in a place where I want to get attached to anyone.
Embracing My Current Life
Truthfully, I’m enjoying the life I’m creating for myself. I’m content with my work, my friends, and of course, my son. I’ve embraced a more relaxed lifestyle, free from the pressure of looking attractive for anyone. I prefer being cozy in leggings and t-shirts, without the hassle of makeup or grooming. By 10 p.m., I’m ready for bed, and I have no desire to be out partying or hunting for a hookup. If someone interesting came along, I wouldn’t necessarily push them away, but I’m definitely not on the prowl.
The Daunting Idea of Dating Again
The idea of dating again is a bit daunting. I’m in my early thirties, and this isn’t where I pictured myself at this stage in life. The thought of being intimate with someone new feels overwhelming. After being with the same person for four years, my body has changed. I have stretch marks, and let’s just say, my figure isn’t what it used to be. Plus, balancing the demands of motherhood and work leaves me questioning if I even have the energy for a relationship.
Not to mention, figuring out childcare logistics for a night out adds another layer of stress. While the idea of flirting sounds fun, I know I’d rather come home to my own space, enjoy a pint of ice cream, and watch YouTube videos. The actual act of sex? That’s a whole different story. My hesitation clearly shows that I’m simply not ready, and you know what? That’s perfectly fine.
Resources for Exploring Intimacy
If you’re exploring topics around pregnancy or considering home insemination options, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Also, for those interested in at-home insemination kits, you might find valuable information here.
Conclusion
In summary, being a single mom and navigating intimacy is challenging. It’s okay to take your time and focus on what truly matters in life—your happiness and that of your child.