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My Son and His Sparkly Pink Shoes
I’m a mom to twin boys, both four years old and full of life. They’re your typical little boys, thrilled by dirt, bugs, and all things messy. While they may look alike, they couldn’t be more different. Often, they’re just referred to as “the twins,” but it’s crucial to recognize their individuality. That’s why I avoid dressing them in matching outfits, and last week’s trip to the shoe store really highlighted this distinction. You see, Ben had his heart set on a pair of pink sparkly shoes—definitely not what you’d expect to see on a boy!
Ben has a keen sense of style. He gravitates toward pinks, purples, and anything that sparkles. Last Halloween, he chose a bright pink pumpkin for trick-or-treating, and it’s become one of his favorite treasures. So, when he excitedly grabbed the pink, sparkly shoes, I couldn’t help but chuckle—until I realized I had to say no. I explained that they weren’t practical for playing outside and that he wouldn’t want to ruin them. Thankfully, he accepted my reasoning and picked out a sensible pair of sneakers. Crisis averted, or so I thought.
As I paid for their sneakers, I reflected on why I had said no to those sparkly shoes. Deep down, my concern was about him facing potential bullying. I wanted to shield him from any feelings of shame or judgment that might arise from wearing something “girly.” I was acting as a protector, trying to preserve his innocence and spare him from a harsh reality.
But the truth is, part of me wanted to buy those shoes. I wish I could have used that moment to teach him an essential lesson: “Be proud of who you are. Embrace your uniqueness and love yourself.” Instead, I inadvertently communicated the opposite message: “Don’t stand out. Blend in with other boys. Stay safe and innocent.” That’s not the kind of upbringing I envision for my sons.
From the beginning, I have encouraged them to celebrate differences and appreciate the unique qualities that make each person special. I’ve taught them kindness, compassion, and to love wholeheartedly. Yet, in that seemingly mundane shopping trip, I felt I had nudged Ben towards conformity instead of self-expression.
Ben doesn’t know that pink sparkly shoes are typically associated with girls. He doesn’t see the world that way; he simply enjoys what he enjoys. Is it so wrong for a mother to want to keep his innocent perspective intact for a little while longer? Will he remember that day when I said no to the shoes? Will it impact how he views himself as he grows older? I sincerely hope not.
Summary
This heartfelt reflection from a mom of twin boys explores the delicate balance between encouraging individuality and protecting children from potential societal judgments. When one son expresses a desire for sparkly pink shoes, the mother grapples with her instincts to shield him from bullying versus the importance of embracing who he is. Ultimately, she wishes she could teach him to celebrate his uniqueness rather than conforming to expectations.