Dear New Parent Class Instructor,

I hope this message finds you well! About a year ago, I took one of the New Parent classes your hospital promotes as offering “essential tools and skills for the birthing journey and beyond.” To be completely honest, after 18 hours of instruction, I felt like I was left high and dry. So, I thought I’d share some suggestions for topics that would really benefit future parents.

1. The Reality of Screaming and Epidurals

Let’s swap the breathing and pushing segment for a deep dive into the realities of screaming and the wonders of epidurals. Trust me, if you skip the epidural, you’ll be doing a lot of screaming! Comparing the process of pushing out a baby to what we practiced in class (pushing against a sheet? Really?) is like saying a spa day and waterboarding are the same because they both involve water.

2. Diapering with Real Experience

For the module on diapering and dressing, why not ditch the dolls and get in touch with a local farmer who could lend you some baby animals? It’s one thing to diaper a calm doll, but it’s a whole different ballgame when you’re wrestling a piglet into a onesie. Once they master that, real babies will be a breeze!

3. The Art of Multitasking

We definitely need a segment dedicated to the art of multitasking—eating, vacuuming, sitting on the toilet, dressing, and putting on makeup—all while using just one hand. There are countless fun exercises you could incorporate to help students develop this crucial skill that every parent knows is essential in those first chaotic months (or years).

4. Understanding Baby Poop

A section on poop would be invaluable! When should a baby poop too little or too much? And let’s talk about cleaning tips—not just for clothes, but also for walls, ceilings, and even the car seat! Trust me, future parents will appreciate this guidance.

5. The Tools of Childbirth

Please reconsider that part of the class that showcases all those “tools” (or torture devices) used during childbirth. Seriously, who wants to handle those relics from the Stone Age? Just knowing about those forceps made my stress levels skyrocket. Some things are better left to the imagination!

6. The Mesh Underwear Situation

Lastly, the mesh underwear situation deserves its own module. I had no clue about the post-birth recovery process. Questions like: How long do I have to wear a diaper? How long will I be squirting water everywhere? and How much of that numbing spray can I take home? should really be addressed.

I don’t want you to think I left your class completely empty-handed! I walked away with a six-page birthing plan that, ironically, my baby knew nothing about. These suggestions come at no cost, but if you could find a way to reduce that delivery bill I’m still paying off, I wouldn’t mind at all!

If you’re interested in more practical insights, you can check out this great resource on home insemination. And for more tips on this journey, visit Cryobaby for their expertise on insemination kits.

In summary, future classes could use a revamp to truly prepare new parents for the realities of childbirth and parenting.