Why I Choose to Maintain Connections with My Exes

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Some folks believe that when a romantic relationship ends, all ties should be severed. To them, the idea of meeting an ex for dinner a decade later seems downright bizarre. But I don’t subscribe to that philosophy at all.

During my single years, I dated extensively. I wasn’t one for blind dates until a colleague introduced me to a charming psychiatrist. He was attractive and seemed to have his life together, but he held a distinct view: men and women simply can’t be friends. Over a fancy dinner, he made it clear that he could never date someone who still had relationships with past flames. That’s when I dramatically knocked over my wine glass while choking on shrimp. Thank goodness for the vodka I kept in my purse!

I quickly told him that I could never be with someone who was too insecure to accept that I stay in touch with my old boyfriends. He passionately argued that sexual tension always exists between men and women, and we went back and forth like an old married couple arguing over divorce terms—until he pulled out his Ph.D. credentials. I think I left quite the impression at the hostess stand!

Now that I’m happily settled down, the friendships I’ve cultivated over the years have blossomed. The men I once dated are now fathers with wives who fully embrace our unique connections, and I genuinely adore these women. The truth is, relationships may not last forever, but that doesn’t mean the bonds have to break entirely. When you share significant time with someone, you often build a friendship that can endure, so why not celebrate that?

Recently, I hosted a public event and invited all my local supporters. It was a beautiful day, filled with love and laughter, including my exes and their wives. At one point, two of my ex-boyfriends arrived just as my husband walked in. The energy in the room was electric, and we all shared a good laugh over it. One of the wives turned to me and said, “It really says something about you that they’d want to come.” Another chimed in, calling me the “cool ex-girlfriend.” It felt heartwarming to hear that!

When I got home that evening, I was flooded with gratitude. Not only did my exes come to support me, but their wives also offered their friendship, which meant the world to me. They had every reason to feel threatened by our pasts, yet they embraced me with open arms, recognizing my loyalty to their husbands. It was a truly touching experience.

My husband and I have been friends for over 25 years. We were platonic roommates while I was dating one of these guys and met when I was involved with his best friend. He knows all about my past and appreciates how much those friendships mean to me. His support is a gift I’m incredibly thankful for.

I’m fortunate to have these people in my life—individuals who trust me and understand my heart is in the right place. As I grow older, I’ve learned who my true friends are, and some of them are surprisingly wonderful women. I anticipate this list will only expand. As for that blind date from years ago, he’s probably still searching for the perfect partner who doesn’t exist. At least he paid for dinner and didn’t call back—some connections just aren’t worth keeping.

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Summary

Maintaining friendships with exes can be a wonderful way to enrich your life and build lasting connections. Rather than severing ties, embracing these relationships can lead to unexpected joy and support, especially when partners are on board.