Nurturing My Son in a World That Demands Sitting Still

home insemination Kit

At his pre-kindergarten graduation, my son, Ethan, was tucked away in the back corner of the stage, almost obscured from sight. A teacher crouched backstage, ready to remind Ethan to keep quiet—or to whisk him away if he became too disruptive for the other more composed children.

Each child eagerly awaited their turn at the microphone, delivering their memorized lines. As they stumbled through their performances—mumbling, whispering, or giggling—they were undeniably charming in their awkwardness.

For weeks, we had practiced Ethan’s line every night. Watching him squirm in the back, I couldn’t help but wonder: why couldn’t he just sit still like the others?

When Ethan’s moment finally arrived, my heart raced. I hoped he would at least fare better than the boy who merely snickered into the mic. But deep down, I sensed that the teachers were expecting him to falter.

Then he stepped up: “Hello! My name is Ethan. Here’s a fun song about a slippery fish.”

His voice was clear, articulate, and confident. He made eye contact with the audience, and he delivered his line with a poise that took me by surprise. I couldn’t hold back my tears.

Yet, a nagging voice in my head whispered, “Don’t get too carried away. That doesn’t mean he’s just like the others.”

Since Ethan began to speak, we’d faced challenges with his behavior. Sending him to fetch a pair of shoes often resulted in finding him sitting beside them, completely engrossed in a piece of carpet fluff. When we enrolled him in soccer, he was more interested in the science of his shadow than the game, often lying in the grass to explore its blades or hanging out in the goal net while others played.

“Focus!” we would plead, often unsure if we were addressing him or wishing for something that seemed out of reach.

I shared my concerns about ADHD with a few close friends. They dismissed the idea, pointing to Ethan’s intelligence and suggesting he was simply bored, or that his behavior was typical for boys his age. Even my partner was skeptical of my worries.

I understood their hesitance. Ethan was a quick learner with a knack for memorization. At just two years old, he had recited every word of “The Berenstain Bears on the Moon.” He shined as a performer and showed incredible perseverance when pursuing his interests. Still, I didn’t want to be “that” parent who claimed, “His behavior is terrible because he’s super smart and bored.”

According to my research, Ethan displayed nearly all the signs of ADHD, but the diagnostic checklists I consulted cautioned that diagnosing ADHD before school age is tricky, as many criteria depend on observing a child’s ability to tackle “boring” tasks like schoolwork.

I eagerly anticipated kindergarten, convinced it would clarify everything regarding Ethan’s behavior.

He faced challenges there, but the road to an ADHD diagnosis was far from straightforward. Paradoxically, despite my growing conviction that he fit the criteria, I kept experimenting with every behavioral modification technique I could find, hoping to discover that one magic solution that would help him focus.

We tried soccer, violin, reward charts, checklists, organic meals, and even eliminated dairy and artificial colors from his diet. We established firmer boundaries, relaxed some rules, and showered him with affection. We explored every avenue, continuously adapting our approach to better understand our spirited child. We are learning how to navigate a world that demands stillness from a boy whose curious mind yearns to explore every “insignificant” detail.

As his parents, we’ll always be the watchful teacher at the edge of the stage, but instead of being ready to pull him away, we’ll be there to encourage him to step up to the microphone.

This story originally appeared on Home Insemination Kit.

Summary:

This heartfelt narrative follows Jamie as she navigates the challenges of parenting her son Ethan, who struggles to adhere to a sit-down-and-focus world. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, Jamie shares her journey of understanding Ethan’s unique behavior, her concerns about ADHD, and the various strategies they employ to support his growth in a demanding environment.