After growing up in a liberal Jewish household but surrounded by conservative Christian peers, I developed a complicated relationship with the idea of intimacy. In high school, the fear of premarital sex being the ultimate sin kept me grounded. However, college brought a whirlwind of new experiences and perspectives. I enjoyed newfound freedom, yet I remained steadfast in my decision to wait for the right partner. I met that special someone, Jake, during my junior year abroad and felt no regrets about taking that leap.
Fast forward to post-divorce, and I find myself navigating the dating scene once again, feeling a bit like a freshman. The question looms: when is it appropriate for a divorced mom in her forties to engage in intimacy? As I seek clarity, I want to share a few lessons I’ve learned during this journey.
1. Moms Are Attractive
My children’s well-being is always my top priority, and I typically only venture out socially when they’re with their dad. I assumed it would be years before I could enjoy a personal life again. Surprisingly, men are not deterred by the responsibilities of motherhood. Many share similar commitments and understand the challenges that come with them. Plus, I’ve noticed that younger, single men are often eager to connect with moms.
2. Sexting Is Commonplace
It seems that during my marriage, sexting became a thing, and I only recently caught on to the trend. My first experience with it was thrilling, even though I was alone. While there are certainly risks involved—especially when it comes to trust and sharing images—many guys seem enthusiastic. Still, it can get repetitive after a while; how many ways can you describe the same intimate moments?
3. Keep an Open Mind
I once had a very specific vision of my ideal partner and family. I got what I wanted, and it didn’t work out. Now, I’m learning to be less rigid about what I once thought mattered—like political views or religious beliefs. I’m trying to appreciate beyond the physical traits I used to prioritize. I still appreciate higher education, but I’m learning not to let past preferences limit my options.
4. Beware of Married Men
Whenever I meet an intriguing man, my eyes instinctively check for a wedding ring. Flirting might feel harmless, but I’ve noticed many married men seem drawn to divorced women, which I find concerning. Personally, I see no benefit in pursuing that path and strongly advise against it. Interestingly, I’ve found that married women often avoid me—maybe they think divorce is contagious!
5. Embrace Your Body
Recently, I witnessed a couple of college students critiquing their appearances at the gym, and it made me wish I could tell them to appreciate their bodies. After three kids and two C-sections, I have come to love my body, imperfections and all. My kids tease me about my belly, but they don’t realize how much my heart has softened since they came into my life. I’m learning to feel confident in my skin and won’t apologize for how I look when I choose to share my body with someone else.
The road through divorce has been rocky, and there were moments I doubted I’d make it through. Now, a year and a half later, I’m still on the mend, but I no longer fear the future. There’s a world of love and connection beyond divorce, even if it takes time and introspection to find it.
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Summary:
Navigating dating and intimacy after divorce can be daunting, but it also offers opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Moms are often seen as attractive, and sexting has become a common form of connection. Keeping an open mind about partners is crucial, while being cautious of married men is wise. Ultimately, embracing your body and learning to love yourself at every stage is key to moving forward.