Why Caring for a Newborn is Just Like Waiting Tables

I was completely overwhelmed when my little one arrived four weeks ago. He was so small and delicate, wailing and flailing, and all I could think about was wanting to be a great parent. Unfortunately, my only experience was in the restaurant industry. What was I supposed to do? Offer him a drink or wipe his face like I would with a customer?

After a month of being a dad, I discovered that I had no reason to worry. Surprisingly, the skills I honed while waiting tables were exactly what I needed to navigate the world of parenting an infant. My baby was just another demanding little creature, craving all my attention—much like the patrons at a busy diner. So, if you’re a server preparing for your first child, don’t stress too much; these six lessons from your waiting days will help you sail through those initial weeks of parenthood.

Lesson 1: Stay Calm, No Matter What

No matter how chaotic things get—whether your orders are late, the register’s on the fritz, or a customer finds a hair in their soup—panicking isn’t an option. I apply this same cool-headed approach as a dad. Right now, while my baby is crying for ten minutes straight, the cat is having a party on the new carpet, and the smoke alarm is blaring from the burnt toast I forgot about, am I losing my mind? Nope! I’m just here writing because waiting tables taught me to keep my cool (or maybe it’s the five fingers of gin talking). Either way, I’m not panicking!

Lesson 2: Master the Art of Holding It In

We’ve all been there: you desperately need to use the restroom, but you’re swamped with tables and no one is available to cover you. So, you hold it. This skill comes in super handy as a parent, where the cardinal rule is: never wake a sleeping baby. Even if you’re bursting, you freeze like a statue, because keeping the peace trumps everything. I’ve never wet myself to keep my baby quiet, but hey, no judgment if you have—it’s worth it.

Lesson 3: Meals Are a Race Against Time

If you’ve seen restaurant workers scarf down their meals before a shift, you know it’s a sprint—not a leisurely meal. There’s a slim window before the crowd arrives, and you’ve gotta be quick if you want to eat anything decent. The same goes for dining with a baby—you have to power through your food like a contestant in a hotdog-eating contest, because you know you’ve only got a few minutes before that tiny human wakes up and demands attention. Who needs to savor food anyway?

Lesson 4: Alcohol is Your Best Friend

Let’s be honest: a little drink can be the perfect remedy after a long day in the restaurant or dealing with a newborn. Just make sure to save it for after your shift and never while breastfeeding. Trust me, you’ll appreciate it!

Lesson 5: You’ll Only Have Friends Like You

Due to those late-night shifts, it was hard for me to maintain friendships outside the restaurant scene. Now it’s the same with my child-free friends; when I do see them, I’m lost in conversations about things like social media drama or current events. All I can think about is diapers and nap times. Let’s talk about that instead!

Lesson 6: Customers and Babies Are Never Wrong, But You Still Have to Please Them

Every server knows that dealing with customers can be a headache. Complaints fly like confetti—“Where’s my food?” or “This is too cold!” It’s all about shoving whatever they demand into their hands to keep them quiet. The same goes for babies; they can be just as demanding. Whether it’s a bottle or a diaper change, you’re always catering to their wants.

Bonus Lesson: You’ll Miss It When It’s Over

Sure, working in restaurants can be grueling with all those doubles and closing shifts, but it’s filled with wonderful people and unforgettable nights. You’ll wake up in strange places, wondering what happened—like a party animal. And just like my restaurant days, people say you’ll miss having a newborn, even when it feels overwhelming at times. If I long for those hectic shifts, I’m sure I’ll miss the baby phase, too.

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In summary, parenting a newborn can feel a lot like waiting tables: it’s chaotic, demanding, and sometimes overwhelming. But the skills you’ve gained along the way can help you navigate this new journey with ease. Embrace the chaos, and remember, you’ll miss it when it’s gone.