Why I Let My Son Win

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My eldest child has become quite the skilled negotiator. From the moment he uttered his first word, he’s been in constant debate with me over everything from bedtime to how many cookies he can have. What I’ve discovered is that it’s not just about getting an extra episode of his favorite show or that seventh cookie; what truly matters to him is the feeling of winning.

As adults, we often look back fondly on childhood, forgetting how little control we had. It’s tough when your choices are made for you—especially for a spirited kid like mine. Instead of stifling his desire for autonomy, I decided to let him come out on top at times—not always, of course (that eighth cookie is a firm no!), but enough to foster his self-confidence and negotiation skills. Now that he’s nearly 12, I grant him even more leeway. He’s savvy enough to recognize that poor decisions often lead to natural consequences.

Here are eight ways I let my son “win” just this week:

1. I skipped the breakfast battle. Usually, I insist he eats something, but this week, I let it slide. He returned home from school hungry and miserable. The next day? He made his own cereal without a peep.
2. I let him go out in the rain without a jacket or umbrella. He got drenched, and while I almost chuckled, I held it in.
3. I allowed him to play video games after school before tackling his homework. He lost track of time and ended up rushing to finish late into the night. The following day, he was quick to do his homework right after school. I couldn’t help but mentally cheer for the lesson learned.
4. I let him spend his own $40 on a flimsy remote-control helicopter, despite the awful reviews we had read together. It broke within an hour, and while my heart sank for him, I refrained from giving him back his money.
5. I didn’t push him to clean his room. He ended up misplacing a library book, his favorite pants, and $3. When he finally found the book, he had to use that $3 to cover the late fees.
6. I didn’t enforce his chores of taking out the trash and doing the dishes. I didn’t do them either. That night, he dined on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on napkins beside an overflowing garbage can while I savored my takeout sushi with a smirk.
7. I allowed him to hang on a gate I’ve warned him about countless times. Eventually, it broke, and the dog chewed up several of his favorite baseball cards. I had to bite my lip to avoid lecturing him.
8. I didn’t insist on a hug at the bus stop on the first day of school. It was tough to hold back tears, but when he waved from the back of the bus, my heart swelled with pride.

The reality is that our kids won’t be with us forever. While raising obedient children might simplify our lives, teaching them about the consequences of their choices will serve them well throughout their lives. Of course, there are still plenty of times when I lay down the law (that eighth cookie will always be off-limits!), but I strive to let him win when I can—even when I know that his “victory” might lead to a loss.

If you’re interested in more parenting insights and experiences, check out our other blog post here or learn more about the topic from an authority like Make A Mom. For additional resources on fertility, you can visit Science Daily.

In summary, navigating parenting can be a delicate balance between guiding our children and allowing them to learn through their own experiences. It’s important to empower them while still setting necessary boundaries.