Let me tell you, I’m definitely the favorite parent in our household. My little one calls for me when she’s scared at night, rushes to me when she tumbles, and seeks me out the moment we step through the door. And honestly, it can be pretty exhausting.
When I decided to become a mom, I was excited about the pure, unconditional love that kids seem to give so freely. And boy, have I received it! Those warm hugs, the invitations to join in her imaginative play, and the ability to fix all her problems are moments I cherish. But being the go-to parent comes with its own set of challenges.
Being the favorite parent means I’m always on duty. When the monitor sounds at 2 a.m., it’s my name she’s calling. It means that during those rare date nights, I find myself worrying about how bedtime is going and inevitably coming home to a tearful child who’s been calling for me for hours. Weekend getaways? Forget it. And then there’s the constant physical presence: little hands clutching my leg, pulling at my arm, and always wanting to be near.
Take this past Saturday morning, for instance. My daughter woke up bright and early at 6 a.m. calling out, “Mama! Need Mama!” But it was my chance to sleep in, so my partner, Jamie, decided to handle it. I snuggled deeper into the blankets, but the cries kept coming—“No! Not you! Mama!” Eventually, I surrendered and went downstairs, still groggy.
The hardest part of being the favorite is seeing the effect it has on Jamie. When our child calls for me, it’s a clear signal that she’s not calling for her other mom. Jamie, trying to comfort her, often hears, “No! I want Mama!” It’s tough because our daughter is too young to understand the hurt she may be causing. In our two-mom family, it creates an added layer of tension. Jamie sometimes wonders out loud, “Why does she H-A-T-E me?”
Of course, it’s not that our daughter dislikes Jamie—she loves her deeply, too. Some mornings, she greets Jamie with open arms, and they share special moments, like bedtime stories that I’m not part of. When our little one says, “I love you,” it’s sincere, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I’m currently the favored one.
We try to address this favoritism in small ways, like having whoever is closest pick her up when she falls. I still head out for my evenings, and when she cries as I leave, I remind myself to keep going. Jamie reassures me, saying, “It’s OK! We’ll manage!” And somehow, we do.
Whenever Jamie asks again, “Why does she H-A-T-E me?” I remind her that she’s not hated—she’s loved fully, even if it feels one-sided at times. I try to reassure both of us that it’s alright for now; I’m the one she needs most. But I know that one day, the tides will turn. She may confide in Jamie about her secrets or turn to her for help with homework. One day, as a teenager, she might even shout, “I hate you!” at me, and we’ll remind her then, as we do now, that she doesn’t have to choose between us—both of us love her more than anything.
In the end, the real favorite in our family is her.
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Summary:
Being the favorite parent has its perks but also comes with its own set of challenges, especially when it creates feelings of rejection for the other parent. While the love from a child can be overwhelming, it’s important to remember that these dynamics will shift as the child grows. Ultimately, both parents love their child unconditionally, regardless of who is currently in the spotlight.