I Can’t Shield My Daughter from the Threat of Assault

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When I learned that 1 in 5 women will experience sexual violence at some point in their lives, it was a grim comfort. I wasn’t alone; other women have walked a similar path. But now, I find myself consumed by thoughts of my daughter’s future. She faces a 20% chance of being a victim. As a parent, all I want is to keep her safe, but the reality is, I can’t always protect her.

Sure, I could try to equip her with a set of rules to avoid danger. I could suggest:

• Distrust everyone.
• Stay on high alert at all times.
• Avoid dating or intimacy.
• Isolate herself by not living with others.
• Drink only when alone.
• Keep every detail about herself private, even online.
• Never leave the house solo.
• Surround herself only with people she doesn’t fully trust.

But what kind of life would that be? If she followed such a strict playbook, she might evade harm, but she’d also rob herself of love, joy, and connection. She would miss out on the thrill of new friendships, the warmth of a hug, and the freedom to simply be herself. Her life would be void of real experiences.

Alternatively, even with all my warnings, she could still face an assault. Maybe she’d choose to enjoy life, attend a gathering, and share laughs with friends. Perhaps, in a moment of trust, she would find herself betrayed. If something were to happen, she might internalize my warnings and blame herself: “If only I had stayed home. If only I hadn’t worn that outfit.” This cycle of guilt and fear could consume her, stripping away her sense of safety and happiness.

But I want her to truly live.

So instead of filling her head with fear, I’ll share this empowering message:

Your body belongs to you. Consent is crucial—remember, yes means yes and no means no. Silence is not consent. Learn to trust yourself and others. Embrace vulnerability. Remember, if someone harms you, it’s never your fault unless you’re the one causing harm. Choose to live boldly. Go out, meet new friends, and surround yourself with those you can trust. When the time is right, explore relationships, whether that means dating or simply enjoying life to the fullest.

Yes, life has its risks—assault, robbery, or even toxic relationships—but none of these are a reflection of your worth or choices.

I can’t guarantee her safety, and that’s a hard truth. But I can encourage her to embrace a life filled with experiences, despite the potential dangers.

If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination and parenting, check out our blog post on Intracervical Insemination. For those looking for expert advice on becoming a parent, Make a Mom offers valuable insights. Also, CCRM IVF’s blog is a fantastic resource for all things related to pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, while I can’t shield my daughter from every danger, I can empower her to live a full and vibrant life, reminding her that she is never to blame for the actions of others.