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Discovering the Bright Kids
“You know what’s really annoying, Mom?”
“What’s that?”
“Whenever I have the right answer, my teacher never picks me. But when I don’t know, that’s when she calls on me.”
“I get it; that’s really frustrating. It happened to me too.”
“And the worst part? She only gives the simple questions to the bright kids.”
The term “bright kids” lingered in the air, like a balloon that had just been released, floating above my 6-year-old’s head before it landed heavily on the carpet. I paused, staring at the tiny shirt I was folding, my mind racing through a list of potential responses.
My instinct was to stick to the idea that there are no “bright kids” and to share the growth mindset concept that’s been introduced at her school, which emphasizes that intelligence stems from effort. But her words bounced around in my mind, and I found myself momentarily speechless.
Later that evening, while sorting through another pile of laundry with my partner, I expressed my concern about her already labeling other children as “bright kids.” Where had she even come across such a notion? How, within just a few weeks of first grade, did she have enough experiences to categorize her classmates? And why, oh why, was she already feeling like she didn’t fit that mold?
The real challenge wasn’t just her use of the term; it was the fact that I had heard and used it throughout my own childhood. I probably said it during college and law school too. Although I might not vocalize that phrase anymore, I can’t deny that adults around me still measure their intelligence against one another every day.
Where do I stand compared to my peers on the “understanding” scale? Will I seem clueless at this gathering with senior colleagues? I can’t write as well as her—how does she always find the right words? Oh no, my boss just spotted me at the gym in my NKOTB tank top; will I ever be seen as smart again?
Reflecting on my past, I remember saying at 16 that I loved being around the “bright kids” because they made me laugh. At 23, I sought out the “smart ones” for my study group to push myself further. Throughout my life, I’ve always found myself drawn to the “clever” individuals. Those truths never made me feel less intelligent for recognizing others’ abilities.
So why the discomfort? Is it simply complicated? Does this fall into that gray area of what we acknowledge versus what we try to protect (what we think of as) their innocence? I know that after this conversation, some may ask, “Who did she mean? Was it so-and-so?” It’s a truth we can’t ignore, no matter the age.
While it feels uneasy to let those words hang in the air between us, it would be even worse to diminish her experience by telling her her observation was wrong. It would be a disservice to make her doubt her own perceptions and feel she can’t share her thoughts with me because I wouldn’t understand.
So, I’ve decided to let it be. I’ll keep emphasizing that her best outcomes will come from her best efforts. I’ll remind her that “bright” is just one of many wonderful qualities that can describe those around her. But I will not tell her that what she identifies isn’t real or, worse, that she shouldn’t express her feelings about it.
Maybe this isn’t the perfect response, but it’s my best attempt, and that’s enough for me.
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Summary
In this reflective piece, Emily Turner shares a heartfelt conversation with her daughter about the concept of “bright kids” in school. She confronts her own feelings about intelligence and the impact of labels, ultimately deciding to validate her child’s experiences while encouraging a growth mindset. This dialogue highlights the delicate balance between nurturing a child’s awareness of social dynamics and fostering a positive self-image.