Why I Embrace My 10-Year-Old Daughter’s Insults

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Let’s face it: my daughter can be a little mean. But here’s the twist—she only directs those barbs at me.

Most of the time, my 10-year-old is a delightful mix of sweetness, humor, and affection. She loves to snuggle up to me for our daily dose of cuddles and crafts adorable cards declaring me the “Best Mommy in the World,” complete with hearts, stickers, and drawings of us holding hands. She still isn’t shy about showing affection in front of her friends, and we share wonderful adventures on hikes and bike rides. When I head out for a bit, she clings to me, begging, “Don’t go, Mommy!” I can already sense that these moments are fleeting, and soon enough, she’ll be pulling away as she enters adolescence. But for now, she genuinely seems to like me.

Recently, though, she’s turned into a bit of a critic. When I share a silly joke, she rolls her eyes and acts like I’m the most unfunny person in the world. If I say something as simple as, “Look at the blue sky,” she dramatically sighs and insists, “Uh, I think you mean the sky is aquamarine with a hint of periwinkle.” It’s as if she has a PhD in eye rolls!

The meals I prepare, once deemed delicious, are now met with a casual “eh, I’ve had better.” If I’m late dropping her off at school or slip up with a curse word, she’s there to critique my every move. Asking her to do something she doesn’t want to feels like I’m asking her to complete a grueling quest. “How could you ask me to take my plate to the kitchen? How could you?” That simple chore seems to be on par with slaying a dragon!

I know some of this attitude comes from the hormonal rollercoaster of being a pre-teen, but why am I the only target? She treats everyone else in her life—friends, teachers, even her dad—with respect. It’s as if I’m the designated punching bag for all her frustrations. Each eye roll and exasperated sigh feels like a direct hit from her Mommy Missile, designed just for me.

When I confided in a friend about this, she said something that gave me pause: “Take it as a compliment. She feels safe with you. You’re her Beloved Garbage Heap.” At first, that didn’t feel like a compliment at all. After all, I’m the one who has to play the bad cop, making sure homework is done and dragging her to doctor appointments. I even make her do chores—yes, the dreaded dusting!

But the more I reflected on it, the more I realized my friend was spot-on. My daughter knows I’m her constant, the one who lifts her up when she’s down and dances with her in our living room when she’s feeling blue. I’m the one she can trust with her feelings, even the messy ones.

So, yes, I am her Beloved Garbage Heap, and I’m ready to take on all the discarded bits of her day—every worry, every heartache. Because at the end of the day, I am her beloved.

If you’re navigating similar parenting challenges, you might find this blog post helpful. And if you’re interested in learning more about the journey of pregnancy, check out this excellent resource from the March of Dimes. For those looking into home insemination, consider checking out Make a Mom for their expert advice on at-home kits.

In summary, even when my daughter seems unkind, I recognize that she trusts me with her true feelings, and that bond is something I cherish.