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To Be Honest, Having It All Can Be Overwhelming
Let’s get real for a moment. Only women would willingly sign up for this level of chaos.
First off, let me acknowledge my privileges: I’m a white woman with a college degree, happily married, and residing in a picturesque mountain town. I have a career that I enjoy, so yes, I know I’m fortunate.
However, here’s a glimpse into what “having it all” entails for me: The other day, I strolled to my mailbox, feeling pretty proud of myself. I have a 3-and-a-half-year-old and welcomed a new baby just a month ago. In that short time, I’ve been working almost non-stop, managing to cover all our family expenses and support my husband’s business. I’ve produced work I’m proud of, and I haven’t mentioned my recent childbirth to anyone.
Just as I was patting myself on the back for these “achievements,” I had a little accident — let’s just say my light-gray sweatpants didn’t help conceal it. It was a bit embarrassing when my neighbor waved hello. By the time I got home, I had a conference call to join, so I had to sit in those damp pants for a while. Thankfully, the baby stayed asleep during the call but woke up demanding to be fed right after, meaning I spent another half hour in those pants. After burping the baby, I found myself with baby vomit in my hair — no time to fix that, so I just clipped it up. Quick change into fresh pants, and I’m back in the game. Bring it on, world — I’m a strong woman, and I can handle this!
Then, at 5 PM, my older child rushed in asking about those brownies I promised. Spoiler alert: they weren’t made. My husband then asked about dinner plans. So, I tossed the baby into a sling and headed downstairs to whip something up.
“Uh-oh,” my husband said.
“What’s wrong?”
“I think I popped a stitch.”
“Wait, how do you know? Isn’t that bad?”
“It feels off down there, and yes, it might be bad, but what am I supposed to do about it now?”
Back upstairs I go. Finally, I get a shower, but my postpartum checkup confirmed that my healing isn’t exactly pleasant. After that, it’s back to bed with an ice pack, baby nursing, and my laptop resting on my lap.
I haven’t left this room much in a month — just to grab food. I took one day off to have my baby. Let that sink in. Thankfully, I have an attached bathroom.
There’s a pile of laundry glaring at me, and right next to it is a bag of dirty diapers. The smell? Not pleasant.
Let’s be clear: I’m not a single mother. My husband is quite helpful — more than most. I’m not working minimum-wage jobs or facing significant disadvantages, aside from being a working mom in the U.S.
Here’s what I’ve come to realize: The concept of “having it all” has been wildly misconstrued. The feminist movement aimed to give women choices — the freedom to choose when to have sex, whether to have children, and how to balance work and family life. Doing everything at once was never the goal. Yet, society pressures women to think that they should juggle all responsibilities flawlessly.
No one ever said, “Let’s make it so women get up at dawn, cook for everyone, rush to work, and then return to handle everything at home with barely any sleep.” Instead, we’ve changed the narrative without altering the systems that support it, and now it’s assumed that women should be grateful for these new “freedoms.”
Today’s message seems to be that women should have careers and children, or else they’re perceived as lazy or weak. But they must do this without support or adequate maternity leave, and without relying on their partners too much. We applaud companies for offering fertility treatments but ignore the importance of allowing women to have children at a reasonable time in their careers.
While I understand that men also face challenges, the physical realities of childbirth and newborn care are often overlooked. It’s okay to acknowledge that women may need more time to recover after giving birth.
This isn’t a critique of men; it’s a call for society to step up. I’ve experienced more judgment from women regarding my parenting choices than from men about my professional capabilities. Sexism manifests differently, but it’s still prevalent.
I don’t believe life should be easy or that choices come without trade-offs. However, we need to stop perpetuating the myth that women can have it all without any sacrifices. The truth is, wanting a career and children means both will suffer. You’ll always feel like you’re not giving enough to either role, with little to no time off, and constant judgment looming over your every move.
If we want to change the narrative for women, we must also shift societal standards. We need to normalize the choice to remain childless — and stop bombarding women with questions about their reproductive choices. Fertility issues should not be stigmatized, and women should not feel pressured to explain their decisions.
We also need to create an environment where it’s acceptable for women to opt out of work without being labeled as wasting their potential. It should be perfectly fine to enjoy a break from parenting without guilt. And if women choose to pursue careers, they should be supported in doing so without feeling they need to hide their pregnancies or rush back to work.
Support should be universal, regardless of a woman’s background. Every mother deserves maternity leave, job security, and childcare, regardless of their profession. Working isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity for most mothers, and we should stop treating it like a choice.
I’m not advocating for special treatment; I want women to be able to openly discuss their pregnancies and take the time they need to recover without fear of derailing their careers. Let’s redefine “having it all” so that each woman can determine what her ideal life looks like. After all, reflecting on my first month as a mother and the lengths I went to conceal the truth is a bit disheartening.
If you’re curious about exploring the options for home insemination, check out this resource for more information. Additionally, this site provides excellent tools for your journey, and Medical News Today is a fantastic source for all things pregnancy and fertility.
Summary:
In this piece, the author candidly shares the struggles of being a working mother, highlighting the societal pressures that come with the expectation to “have it all.” Despite her privileges, she acknowledges the chaos of balancing work and family life while addressing the misconceptions surrounding motherhood and career ambitions. Ultimately, she calls for a shift in societal norms to better support women in defining their paths without judgment.