As a mom to a 12-year-old, I always anticipated the moment when my sweet child would look me straight in the eye and declare, “I can’t stand you!” Little did I know it would happen sooner than I expected. The first time it happened, he was only 11. My inner child wanted to snap back, “Well, I can’t stand you either!” But let’s be real—I didn’t mean it, and I knew he didn’t either.
Instead of reacting with frustration, I took a breath, looked at his adorable freckled face, and said, “Then my job here is done,” before walking away. I wish I could claim that witty comeback as my own, but it actually came to me from a classic sitcom, and I was grateful for the timing.
That simple line captured my feelings perfectly. My son was upset because he wasn’t getting his way, and I had stood firm, even though that moment was tough for him. It’s part of my role as a parent to guide him, even when it leads to moments of frustration. The fact that he expressed his feelings meant I was doing something right.
Now that he’s officially in the throes of puberty, he’s moody and impulsive, caught between needing his mom and wanting to distance himself because I’m just SO EMBARRASSING. It’s natural for him not to like me all the time, and honestly, that’s perfectly fine. I know, without a doubt, that even amidst the outbursts, he loves me, feels secure, and understands that I’m the one in charge.
Every parent has been there—trying to be the “cool” parent to win their child’s approval. Who doesn’t love those moments when they receive a big hug or an excited thanks for a small treat or a late bedtime? In those instances, we feel like best friends, and it’s a great feeling.
But we aren’t best friends; we are parents, and often, that role comes with its challenges. We create boundaries that we, too, found annoying at their age. (If only I could convince you to start a family now!) Despite the tough moments of “being the boss,” it’s also the most rewarding job I’ve ever had.
Shortly after I left his room, my son found me and stood in the doorway, still red-faced but with a grin. “You stole that line!” he exclaimed.
Feigning innocence, I asked, “Stole what?”
He replied, “That was from Roseanne!”
We shared a laugh, and he joined me on the bed. “I knew I recognized it!” he said. We ended up watching that episode together, and just like that, the moment of frustration faded. He’s been exposed to my favorite shows from my childhood, which is why he has a surprising knowledge of Seinfeld, Roseanne, and Beverly Hills, 90210. And honestly, I love that.
I’m sure he’ll express his “hatred” for me many more times in the future. I may not always have the perfect response, but deep down, I know it’s okay. I don’t always have to say something, and I’m fulfilling my role as a parent.
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In summary, navigating the ups and downs of parenting can be tough, but those moments of conflict often indicate that you’re heading in the right direction. Cherish the good and the challenging times—they’re all part of this beautiful journey.