Why Pregnancy Isn’t All That Glamorous: The Reality of Leaky Boobs, Surprise Toots, and More

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Let’s just get it out there: I don’t think pregnancy is beautiful. There, I’ve said it! It feels incredibly freeing to admit this, like I’m sprinting through a field in slow motion, completely unbothered by the world around me.

Now, before you label me as a Negative-Nancy (I prefer “Realistic-Ruby,” thank you very much), let me just clarify that while I genuinely admire those women who feel radiant during pregnancy, I’m not one of them. Sure, I’m thrilled for them, but I can’t help but think they might be exaggerating a bit. Maybe they believe that if they don’t embrace the glam side of pregnancy, they’ll kick off motherhood on the wrong foot.

While I know many women rock that glowing expectant vibe, I definitely don’t see myself in that light. Here’s a rundown of some of the less-than-glamorous experiences I’ve had while pregnant:

1. Leaky Boobs
   When I was expecting my first child, I was completely blindsided by the fact that breasts could leak. Seriously, why didn’t anyone give me a heads-up? I was only 12 weeks along and casually shopping when I noticed the cashier looking at me in a rather awkward way. I thought he was just distracted by my clever T-shirt slogan. Nope! When I got home and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I realized he was probably horrified by the massive wet spots on my shirt. Not a flattering look, that’s for sure.
2. Surprise Toots
   Picture this: My husband and I are driving to a wedding, and out of nowhere, a smell wafts through the car that could only be described as the scent of doom. I instantly freaked out, accusing my husband of being the culprit. Turns out, it was my own unexpected gas that had betrayed me. Talk about a pregnancy milestone I never wanted to achieve!
3. Vision Problems
   Throughout my pregnancy, my eyesight seemed to take an extended vacation. I’d squint at everything, and my contacts were constantly dry. I’m pretty sure my brain was just too busy focusing on baby-making to bother with keeping my eyes in check. I’m contemplating learning braille for next time!
4. Rapid Hair Growth
   Anyone else notice that your leg hair could rival a woolly mammoth during pregnancy? I found myself in a daily battle with my razor, which I often lost due to sheer exhaustion. Seriously, if only the no-shave movement had kicked off earlier, I would have been all in!
5. Dry Skin Galore
   I dealt with itchy, dry skin that made me look like a ghost. As a pale redhead, I didn’t need any help looking translucent! If looking like I was about to faint was a trend, I would have been the hottest mom in town.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike being pregnant. I’ve had two relatively easy pregnancies, and I cherish the joy of bringing my little ones into the world. But let’s be honest, during those nine months, I don’t feel glamorous or empowered—I just feel large, leaky, and gassy.

If you’re navigating this journey, you might find helpful insights in our other posts on home insemination like this one. Also, if you’re curious about the ins and outs of self-insemination, check out Make a Mom for some great resources. Lastly, for week-by-week pregnancy guidance, March of Dimes is an excellent go-to.

In summary, while I’m grateful for the ability to carry and nurture life, let’s face it—pregnancy can come with some hilariously unglamorous moments.