The holiday season is upon us, with Christmas just around the corner and Hanukkah arriving even sooner. Store windows are filled with countdowns, reminding us that in just a few short weeks, our kids will be unwrapping enough toys to fill a small city. Every year, kids worldwide wake up to a mountain of gifts that could qualify for hoarder status. You know the drill: parents smiling through gritted teeth, all while secretly plotting the demise of those noisy gadgets and whirling toys. This year, I’ve decided to create my own gift guide for anyone considering a present for my child.
Let’s Set Some Ground Rules
First off, let’s agree—no more stuffed animals, please! We have enough to fill a small zoo, and they mostly just gather dust in the corner. The rule should be simple: one stuffed animal per child. Got one kid? One stuffed animal. Two kids? Two stuffed animals. You get the idea. These plush toys serve little purpose other than getting dirty and eventually ending up washed to the point of no return.
Avoid Chaos
If a gift includes a million tiny pieces, you’re just asking for chaos. Before long, most of it will be in the trash, and if I stumble upon a stray piece lying around, it’s heading straight to the bin. Let’s avoid any gifts that require constant assembly—seriously, just throw it in the trash yourself!
The Glitter Dilemma
And can we talk about glitter? It’s like the herpes of craft supplies! It sticks to everything and drives parents to madness. If you send glitter my way, I might just consider it a declaration of war. You might want to rethink that gift and possibly go into hiding.
Battery-Powered Toys
As for toys that need batteries, let’s be real: they’re usually loud. And if they’re loud, I’ll find a way to return it to you—probably right when it starts singing at 3 a.m. Or I’ll just remove the batteries and tell my kid it’s a broken toy.
Cash is King
Now, I know it might seem a bit impersonal, but cash is totally acceptable. Kids can be pricey, and activities they love come with a growing price tag each year. Whether it’s soccer shoes or art supplies, cash can help. I promise to set it aside, except for the $5 I’ll use for an overpriced latte at my favorite coffee shop.
Quality Time Over Stuff
While I genuinely appreciate you thinking of my child during this busy holiday season, I would much rather you spend quality time with them. Come over, take them to a movie, or just hang out and color together. They have enough stuff, but only one you. Plus, let’s be honest, a little break for me wouldn’t hurt!
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Summary
In this lighthearted guide, Jamie shares her wish list for holiday gifts, humorously outlining what to avoid—like stuffed animals and glitter—while encouraging friends and family to consider cash or quality time instead.