I Struggle with Postpartum Depression, and Everything Will Be Alright

When I discovered I was pregnant, my first call was to my partner. The next step was to reach out to a social worker I had previously seen, knowing that I was at a higher risk for postpartum depression and anxiety.

I had come to terms with the fact that depression and anxiety would be part of my life. I experienced ups and downs, and I learned to accept these fluctuations. My approach during tough times was to simplify my to-do lists and prioritize self-care. I reminded myself that relapses were not personal failures, much like a flare-up of a chronic illness. This self-compassion helped me maintain balance in my life.

However, during my pregnancy, the notion of postpartum depression felt daunting. Most of the information I found focused on negative outcomes for babies or tragic stories about mothers who faced severe struggles. I worried about my ability to bond with my child and questioned whether I would be capable of caring for her.

Now, with my little one 9 months old, I am indeed navigating postpartum depression and anxiety, just as I anticipated. Yet, it’s not the catastrophic force I feared. Like any other episode of depression, it is manageable. In this spirit, I allow myself to embrace my experience with PPD.

1. Trust My Baby

A nurse in the postnatal ward offered me some invaluable advice after I had made countless trips to the nursing station with my daughter. She reminded me to look at my baby’s face and body language—if she appeared fine, she was fine. Babies are not exactly known for hiding their feelings!

2. Take Time To Bond

Getting to know my baby post-birth took time. We shared eight months in the womb, but being two separate beings required adjustment. It’s perfectly normal to need time to learn how to connect, snuggle, and understand each other. Much of the bonding process is simply about meeting her needs consistently.

3. Stop the Midnight Googling (and Talk to Nurses Instead)

There were nights when my anxiety had me convinced of wild health concerns for my baby, from hip dysplasia to polio. I realized I needed to put down my phone and stop the frantic Googling. Instead, I reached out to my baby’s doctor or the after-hours health line for reassurance. I learned that many new parents call with similar concerns, which made me feel much better.

4. Accept Help From Friends

My depression and anxiety tried to convince me to isolate myself, but I resisted. Friends offered invaluable help during those chaotic early weeks, and their support was essential. Whether it was tidying up or providing social interaction, my friends met me halfway, and it was a lifesaver.

5. Keep the Long View

I often feel exhausted and sometimes struggle with my appetite. On particularly tough days, just getting out of bed feels like a victory. Yet, I remind myself to focus on the bigger picture. My daughter enjoys playtime, laughter, and cuddles, and she won’t remember the specifics of these early years. All I need to do is navigate through this period with love and patience.

I’m grateful I didn’t let my fears about postpartum depression hold me back from parenting my incredible daughter. This phase will eventually pass, but our bond is forever. I’m in treatment, and we will be just fine! For more on managing postpartum challenges, be sure to check out our other blog posts about home insemination, including resources from CDC and Cryobaby.

Summary

Navigating postpartum depression can be challenging, but it is manageable. By trusting your instincts, taking the time to bond with your baby, seeking support, and keeping a long-term perspective, you can create a loving environment for you and your child. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and it’s okay to ask for help.