Oh, The Places You’ll Pump On-The-Go

The experts rave about how “natural” breastfeeding is, but let me tell you what’s not so natural: stripping down in a chilly office and hooking yourself up to a machine that resembles something out of a dairy farm. Yet, for moms who wish to continue nursing after maternity leave, pumping becomes a necessary reality. And when you find yourself needing to pump while out and about, you might land yourself in some truly awkward situations—like when you dare to leave the house without your baby for more than a couple of hours (and yes, most sane adults do crave a little alone time).

Here are the top five most memorable places I’ve pumped milk:

5. In a Tiny Hotel Bathroom Stall During a Conference

Nothing screams professionalism like wrestling with your shirt in a cramped bathroom stall while surrounded by your company’s top clients. Talk about multitasking!

4. In a Lavish Hotel Room During a Work Meeting

Imagine telling a fresh-faced intern that you’ll need special arrangements for your all-day work event because you’ve got to pump milk. The look of confusion and mild disgust on their face could make you wish you could vanish into thin air. And bonus points for having to awkwardly sit on the floor of your century-old hotel room, where the only electrical outlet is at ground level.

3. In the Bathroom of Our Prospective New Home While It Was Being Inspected

In a moment of sleep-deprived madness, my partner and I decided it was a great idea to hunt for our first home. We struck gold with an accepted offer after a whirlwind search. On inspection day, my pumping schedule clashed with the visit, and I had to sneak away to the bathroom of a place still occupied by strangers. I can still hear the inspector asking my husband if I was okay, while he fumbled for a way to explain my absence without revealing my not-so-glamorous situation.

2. At a Wedding Reception With Only One Bathroom for Everyone

This was perhaps my most nerve-racking pumping experience. When my baby was just 6 weeks old, we attended a wedding, and I had to pump for the first time outside my home—using a manual pump, no less! Upon arriving, I discovered there was only one bathroom for all guests. Yikes!

1. During a Prince Concert

I got my husband tickets to see Prince when our son was about four months old. With the concert lasting several hours, I knew I had to pump a couple of times. After holding off for two hours, I dashed to the bathroom during a break between sets. Picture this: as the crowd roared for the return of The Purple One, I was busy squeezing milk from one side—trying not to miss the start of “Purple Rain.” I made it back just in time for Prince’s legendary guitar solo. Phew!

So, there you have it! Sometimes you have to get creative (and a bit awkward) to maintain your milk supply. Despite the challenges, discomfort, and occasional indignities of pumping, you’ll definitely end up with some unforgettable stories. For more tips on home insemination, check out this excellent resource. And if you’re curious about at-home insemination kits, consider visiting Make a Mom.

In summary, pumping on-the-go can lead to some hilarious and memorable moments. While it may not always be glamorous, it’s all part of the journey of motherhood.