I May Not Be the Ideal Mother, But I Can Grow from My Mistakes

home insemination Kit

Sometimes, motherhood feels like a walk in the park. There are days when I genuinely believe I’m nailing it. We glide through weeks without a hitch, and I nearly forget the challenging moments—the times I lost my patience, had to apologize, or went to bed feeling heavy-hearted. During those peaceful stretches, I struggle to grasp what other moms mean by “failure.” Are they talking about serving hot dogs for dinner and letting cartoons take over? What could possibly warrant such a strong word? But then, like clockwork, I’m jolted back to reality.

Take today, for instance.

My little one woke up cranky, whining in that high-pitched voice that only a child can master. Like the devoted stay-at-home mom I aim to be, I snuggled up beside him for some morning cuddles. When he proposed a gunfight, I was all in—until I realized I was doing it wrong. I wasn’t crouched low enough, and my sound effects were totally off. Despite my best efforts, he continued to complain. Feeling defeated, I decided I needed a break and retreated downstairs for my coffee.

Throughout the day, I tried to maintain a balance of validation and detachment, recognizing his feelings without absorbing them myself. I showered him with extra hugs but aimed to keep my own emotions in check. However, by mid-afternoon, I started to unravel. After repeating myself about using an “appropriate voice,” I found myself yelling, “All you’re doing is whining! I can’t take it anymore!” I had aimed for a warm, controlled demeanor, but I was losing that battle. Even worse, he was calling me “rude” as if that wasn’t enough to send me over the edge.

In the middle of loading the dishwasher, I snapped. I closed it too forcefully, sending a glass crashing to the floor. I declared, “I need a break!” as he reached out for me, crying. Returning to clean up my mess, I snarled at him to stay away from the kitchen. In my anger, I shook the bag holding the broken pieces and growled, “This! This broken glass!”

He just wanted a hug, a reminder that I still loved him, but I was too consumed by frustration to offer that comfort. Did I want to scare him? Or was I just letting the craziness take over? I could feel that familiar anger rising, reminiscent of my postpartum days when I was often harsh with my partner. In those moments, I was aware I could choose to step back, but instead, I found satisfaction in expressing my frustration.

Oh, how I hated that side of me! It only led to shame and remorse, like a hangover after a wild night out. I felt terrible for not being the patient mother my child deserved—the kind who navigates boundaries with grace and shows love when it’s most needed. I was angry at myself for not modeling the behavior I wanted him to learn. The thought of my children growing up to express their anger through outbursts haunted me.

But that wasn’t the end of my missteps today. As I emerged from my dishwashing rage, I tried to force him to eat yogurt. He was still pining for that My Little Pony coloring book, and I snapped, “I’m not going anywhere until you eat that!” I was just exhausted from the constant demands and felt guilty for yelling at him to eat. Guilt washed over me as I noticed him dragging his little body to obey.

I finally sat him down on the couch and cradled him like a baby, apologizing for my behavior. His sweet response shattered my heart: “It’s OK. I’m sorry I was having a bad day too.” We talked about being a family and the importance of love and forgiveness.

We needed fresh air, so I carried him in a baby carrier—can you believe my almost-four-year-old in a carrier? I craved that closeness and wrapped him up tightly. The rain fell around us as he whispered, “I love you,” into my ear.

Now that he’s tucked in bed, I feel the weight in my heart lightening. Mistakes are part of the journey, but how we respond to them matters more than being perfect. My kids need to see that while I might not be the ideal mom, I can learn and grow from my imperfections. I only truly failed today if I didn’t take something away from it.

If you want to learn more about home insemination and parenting, check out some of our other blog posts like this one at Home Insemination Kit and find authoritative resources from Make a Mom on this topic. For more insights, the CDC offers valuable information on pregnancy and infertility.

Summary:

This heartfelt reflection on motherhood highlights the struggles and imperfections every parent faces. Despite moments of frustration and anger, the author emphasizes the importance of learning from mistakes and modeling growth for their children. The narrative illustrates that being a perfect parent isn’t necessary; rather, it’s the ability to acknowledge and learn from our flaws that truly matters.