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The Unexpected Delight of Being the ‘Less Fun’ Parent
Early in our parenting journey, my partner, Jake, and I naturally fell into our familiar roles, which have remained pretty consistent over time. As the primary caregiver, I’m the go-to for our kids’ routines, quirks, and schedules. I’m the one who sets bedtimes, makes the call on dessert, and keeps track of any lost screen time privileges. Jake, on the other hand, is like the ultimate fun machine—he spins the kids around, plays intense rounds of video games, and can engage in epic adventures like “Space Dinosaur Explorer” (don’t even ask).
Whenever I’m away, the dynamic shifts dramatically. The kids cuddle up with Jake in our bed, host indoor volleyball tournaments, and indulge in endless tickle fights. In short, Jake spends a lot of his time playing with our boys. But when he’s off on a trip, things revert to normal: bedtimes remain consistent, homework comes before TV, and the kids mostly entertain themselves—which means I don’t play much.
Initially, I found myself feeling a bit uneasy about being the “Less Fun” parent. It wasn’t that I disliked my role; it was just that societal expectations—or maybe just my own insecurities—made me feel like being the less playful parent was a flaw. I worried that I should be more fun and engaging. Who doesn’t want to dive into playtime with their kids? This pressure felt like a nagging irritation, like a sunburn that just wouldn’t go away.
However, I’ve recently come to embrace my parenting style. Sure, I might be the one reminding everyone that “bedtime is in five minutes!” while the boys laugh over their favorite show. I might also prefer avoiding games like “Space Dinosaur Explorer” (seriously, don’t ask), but I’ll happily join them for a round of Just Dance, color for hours, or play multiple games of Candy Land back-to-back.
I’ve discovered a unique joy in stepping back and observing their fun from a distance. Just the other night, after picking Jake up from the airport, the boys excitedly asked him to play hockey outside. The evening air was cool, and the sky was dimming.
“Isn’t it a bit too late and chilly?” I suggested.
“Aw, come on!” Jake replied with a pout.
“I was just giving you an easy out, but feel free to go ahead,” I whispered back.
Once home, I started reheating leftovers for dinner. Jake transformed into his comfy clothes and joined the boys outside. While I waited for dinner to be ready, I watched them through the window. I thought about joining in, but instead, I opted to stay inside and observe.
From this distance, I noticed things I might miss if I jumped into the fun. I saw the way my younger son looked at Jake with admiration and awe, and how my older son pushed his limits in ways he doesn’t when I’m around. I could truly appreciate the sheer joy on Jake’s face when I wasn’t caught up in the role of referee or enforcer. It felt like a soothing balm on my earlier insecurities.
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Summary
Embracing the role of the ‘less fun’ parent can bring unexpected joys. Observing your children play and interact with their other parent allows for a deeper appreciation of their relationships and development, highlighting the unique contributions each parent brings to the family dynamic.