It was a scorching June day, and we found ourselves standing in a long, sluggish line to enter the auditorium for our youngest son’s middle school graduation—the fifth one we’ve experienced. The crowd was overwhelming, and as we shuffled forward, we spotted someone we didn’t want to see: a relative with whom we have a restraining order due to past abusive behavior. In that moment, we made a snap decision to exit the line and take a stroll around the block. We ended up at a nearby pub, sipping cold drinks and prioritizing our emotional well-being over a ceremony that felt more stressful than celebratory. Our son had no idea we missed it.
I know how this sounds—it might seem callous, but there’s a common belief among parents that “every milestone matters.” In reality, our absence didn’t affect our son at all. We made sure to meet him outside afterward for pictures, ensuring we didn’t miss the truly important moments. But the graduation itself? I honestly questioned its significance. Celebrating transitions like leaving middle school seems excessive when there are much bigger milestones ahead. Sure, high school and college graduations warrant a celebration, but moving up from junior high? Not so much.
I’m not alone in feeling this way. There’s been a growing vibe of backlash against the overindulgence of kids today. They receive trophies just for participating, and many have never experienced the simple joys of independence, like walking to the park alone or making their own lunches. Just search for “helicopter parent” to find a plethora of articles discussing this trend.
Parents often juggle countless responsibilities while trying to raise their children, and sometimes we need to cut ourselves some slack. It doesn’t mean we’re failing if the lunch isn’t Instagram-worthy or if a graduation isn’t celebrated with a grand ceremony. Maybe it’s enough to treat our kids to an ice cream cone or pizza night instead of throwing a party. With five kids, it can be overwhelming, and self-care sometimes means saying no to extra tasks.
For my husband and me, that moment of “no” came when we decided to leave the graduation line. The pressure to meet expectations can be suffocating. Whether this choice makes us better or worse parents is anyone’s guess. We’ve done our best to strike a balance between indulgence and discipline, and so far, four of our five kids are thriving. Skipping this one event didn’t seem to matter, and life went on without a hitch.
The sky didn’t fall. No thunderstorm rolled in. Everyone survived, and if that isn’t a testament to the pressures of parenting, I don’t know what is.
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In summary, taking a step back from the relentless cycle of parenting milestones is sometimes necessary for our own well-being—and it doesn’t diminish our love for our kids. Sometimes, skipping an event can be just the break we need to maintain our sanity and keep being the best parents we can be.