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My Greatest Parenting Blunder Is One I Still Tackle Today
Reflecting on my journey through motherhood, I realize that the biggest mistake I made during my first year as a mom is the same one I continue to grapple with two decades later: I’m just too rigid. I often joke that I’m so tightly wound, I might as well have a spring popping out of my head!
I married Tom, who is the epitome of a laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of guy. He never seemed to share my worries, especially when our kids were toddlers. I was determined to have a strict schedule for meals and naps. To me, having a consistent routine was my lifeline to sanity amidst the chaos. Let’s be honest—babies run the show, and I was often exhausted, wishing I had time for a simple shower.
While I took on the role of primary caregiver, handling late-night feedings and diaper changes, I felt the pressure to keep everything in order. This left me feeling frazzled and grumpy. Sticking to a schedule was my only hope for grabbing even a few hours of sleep at night.
This anxiousness trickled into every social event or birthday party invitation. The stress of ensuring the kids were well-fed and napped before we stepped out of the house could spin my head! I yearned for one relaxing family outing. Honestly, I can’t recall a single calm dinner during those toddler years. As soon as we sat down, someone needed a diaper change or woke up crying from a nap. Passing the baby to Tom only resulted in tears, as it was clear I was the only one they wanted.
Fast forward twenty years, and I see how my need for structure has permeated my life. I operate on a strict schedule, and while I appreciate it most of the time, I also realize that not everything needs to be planned down to the minute. Some of life’s most delightful moments come from spontaneity—moments I likely missed because I was so focused on sticking to my set plan. Being overly rigid makes it tough to embrace those unexpected joys that life throws our way.
Our close friends, Lisa and Mark, had their children later in life, and their inflexibility makes me look like a free spirit. I often wonder how they manage to live that way, as rigidity seems to be a part of their personalities, much like mine. Watching them is like looking into a mirror I don’t particularly like, prompting me to think about the times I should have let go of my obsession with control. After all, that need to manage everything only added stress for all involved. The pursuit of perfection is a burden that many moms bear, and I’m no exception.
Now that my kids are in their 20s, it’s clear they see me as “the uptight mom,” which makes me cringe a bit. I still struggle with maintaining some semblance of a schedule when they visit. I get anxious if we leave the house without a plan, and the thought of waiting somewhere? Forget it—that could derail our entire day! I often find myself envisioning how the rest of the day should unfold, dreading any interruptions to my plan. I see bits of my rigidity in my kids as well; the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I wish I could let go of this compulsion. Life would be so much more enjoyable and playful without the constant need for control.
When unexpected events pop up, like the spontaneous outings Tom often loves to suggest, I’m working on responding with, “Hey, this might be fun!” instead of immediately listing all the reasons why it won’t work. Finding a balance between spontaneity and structure is my ongoing goal. The first step is letting go of the idea that everything has to work out perfectly.
So, what’s my biggest parenting mistake? It’s one I’m still navigating, but I’m learning to embrace the imperfections along the way. For more insights on similar topics, check out this post on our blog about home insemination. And if you’re curious about artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom for their expert resources. Also, consider this American Pregnancy guide for more information about donor insemination.
Summary:
In reflecting on my journey through motherhood, I realize that my greatest parenting blunder is my tendency to be overly rigid and control-oriented. This mindset has caused me to miss out on spontaneous joys in life, and now, as my kids are adults, they often identify me as the “uptight mom.” I’m striving to find a balance between spontaneity and structure while learning to embrace life’s unpredictability.