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If I Had Known…
Ah, parenting! If I had only understood the true depth of sleep deprivation before welcoming my little ones into the world… If I had realized the sheer volume of bodily fluids I’d be cleaning up during their childhoods… If I had known how grating the sound of “Mom? Mom? Mom?” could become after hearing it for more than ten years… If I had known I’d sometimes take an extended break on the toilet, just to snag a few precious moments of solitude… If I had known that those precious toilet breaks would often be interrupted by little fists banging on the door anyway…
If I had known how frequently I’d find myself repeating the same instructions and corrections endlessly… If I had known that the “expert” solutions for whining, crying, or disobedience would fail me half the time… If I had known that loving your kids doesn’t always mean you’ll like them every moment… If I had known I’d shed tears in the shower because it was my only escape… If I had known I’d sometimes feel so touched-out by the end of the day that the thought of intimacy would seem unappealing… If I had known that focus would become a rare commodity in my life… If I had known that parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier as they grow, just shifts to new challenges… If I had known I’d feel afraid every day that I might be failing as a mom… If I had known how relentless parenting would be… I still would have chosen to have kids.
Because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t understand the miracle of nurturing a tiny speck into a full-fledged person inside my body. I wouldn’t know that the scent of a newborn’s head is a perfect reminder of heaven. I wouldn’t know the magic of holding a baby as they drift off to sleep, wishing I could keep them there forever. I wouldn’t know the thrill of watching my child take their first steps, ride a bike, or read an entire book independently. I wouldn’t know how laughter from my child can brighten even the darkest days. I wouldn’t experience how a simple, wide-eyed gaze can make me feel like I’m melting. I wouldn’t know the joy of witnessing the daily growth of a person I helped create.
I wouldn’t understand the immense pride in seeing my children tackle challenges using the skills I’ve instilled in them. I wouldn’t know the pure bliss that comes with their victories. I wouldn’t appreciate the unexpected grace found in the daily struggle of being a better parent. I wouldn’t know how parenting could help mend my own childhood wounds. I wouldn’t discover that losing myself in motherhood could lead me to find a stronger, truer version of myself. I wouldn’t know the warm, sweet fullness of a mother’s love. And I wouldn’t realize that the challenges and heartaches of this journey are ultimately overshadowed by its beauty, joy, and wonder.
If I had known what motherhood truly entailed, I would embrace it all over again. (I’d just make sure to catch more zzz’s while I still could.)
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In summary, parenting is a wild ride filled with challenges, but the love and joy it brings make it all worthwhile.