Why I Appreciate My Ex-Husband

After eight years of marriage, my husband and I came to the mutual decision that we weren’t meant to be together anymore. Both of us had experienced our fair share of family breakups—he once, and I three times. We were acutely aware of how challenging this could be for our 5-year-old daughter. Having only seen his father twice since their divorce—once at a wedding and once during a hospital visit—I knew I needed to be sensitive to the impact this would have on her. My own mother had been mostly absent until I was eight, leaving a lasting impression on me.

We spent considerable time figuring out how to make this transition as smooth as possible for our little girl, engaging in honest conversations we had previously avoided. For several months, we lived under the same roof but as friends, allowing us to adjust to our new reality while keeping her wellbeing at the forefront. While our journey hasn’t always been smooth sailing, we’ve built a working relationship that I genuinely appreciate. Now, six years later, with two new marriages and a new baby in the mix, I can confidently say that I have love for my ex. Here’s why:

1. Non-Judgmental Support

After our split, I found myself in a tough financial spot, having invested the proceeds from our house into a new one just as I lost my job. For over a year, I juggled two full-time gigs, and during that time, he willingly took on more than his fair share of parenting duties. He never made me feel guilty about my situation; when an unexpected expense arose, he lent me money without hesitation.

2. Understanding the Challenges

Late dinners at my mom’s house? No problem—he spent eight years with my family and knows that punctuality isn’t their strong suit. When plans change unexpectedly, he’s adaptable because he understands the dynamics of family life. Even when I’m bedridden during my pregnancy and can’t do school drop-offs, he steps in without complaint, remembering how tough my pregnancies can be.

3. United Parenting Front

My daughter is strong-willed and smart, which can make her challenging to handle. During these moments, it’s crucial that we present a united front. If she faces consequences at my home, they follow at his, too. When she was disrespectful to me in front of others, it was her dad who firmly addressed her behavior. Knowing he supports me in parenting makes this journey easier. When she expressed a desire for us to communicate more like other divorced parents, I knew we were on the right track.

4. A Loving Stepmother

His new wife is wonderful. She’s smart, kind, and treats our daughter like her own. When my daughter reaches out to me for help with homework, her stepmom respects that, giving her room to feel comfortable without making a fuss. It’s heartwarming to see how well they connect.

5. Freedom in Separation

I truly believe my ex and I could run a successful enterprise together, but being married again isn’t in the cards for us. The fact that we can go home to our own families at the end of the day is what allows us to thrive as co-parents. We can discuss our daughter and our lives without the complications of romantic entanglements. I can care for him without being in love or married to him.

I recognize that I’m fortunate to have a friendly relationship with my ex, which isn’t the case for many. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about difficult exes. Yet, I’m grateful for the compassionate man I get to share parenting responsibilities with. For those who sometimes struggle with similar situations, it’s a reminder that hard work and open communication can make a significant difference in our children’s lives.

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Summary

Navigating post-divorce relationships can be challenging, but with open communication and mutual respect, it’s possible to foster a positive co-parenting dynamic. My experience with my ex-husband has shown me the importance of support, understanding, and unity in raising our daughter, proving that love can exist even outside of marriage.