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Embracing Motherhood: What I Really Want Now
You know, for most of my life, I didn’t feel like I wanted much. Sure, as a kid, I had fleeting desires—like a shiny new Barbie doll, staying up late to catch my favorite shows, or sneaking out for an extra hour with my boyfriend. I joked about wanting to be a stewardess or an Egyptologist, but honestly, those were just whims of youth. I never had a burning ambition or a clear vision of my future. I preferred the safe, easy path, avoiding anything that might draw too much attention to me.
I drove my mom up the wall with my constant “who cares?” attitude—about where I went to school, what I studied, even what color napkins we used at my wedding. “It all matters,” she’d insist, while I shrugged it off. My nonchalance made me feel cool and laid-back, but deep down, I was letting life and others decide things for me. I moved cities, switched schools, and bought houses with this “whatever” mindset. While it all turned out fine, I often felt powerless.
Then, I became a mother. Initially, I confess, the decision to have a child was met with a shrug. It felt like the logical next step, but nothing more. However, once my little one arrived, I felt an exhilarating surge of confidence. Suddenly, I was capable of amazing things: I could soothe a crying baby, multitask breastfeeding with phone calls, and swaddle like a pro. As time passed, I discovered new skills I never knew I had—like explaining tough concepts to my toddler and building complex Lego structures without any instructions.
With this newfound confidence, I realized I wanted more out of life. My time became precious, and my attention span was like that of a four-year-old, but I was finally ready to figure out what I truly desired.
What I Want as a Mother
Of course, I wanted to be a fantastic mom. I wanted to be present for all the little milestones—tantrums, swimming lessons, first homework assignments, and all the joys and challenges of raising a child. I wanted to immerse myself in every experience.
But I also craved a fulfilling career. Up until now, my jobs felt just like that—jobs. Now, I yearned to excel at what I do, even if it didn’t involve uncovering ancient tombs or discovering cures for diseases. I wanted to learn, grow, and make my work meaningful—not just for me, but for my child too.
I wanted a hobby, and time to enjoy it. Since becoming a mom, I’ve started to take my writing seriously. I feel like I finally have something important to share, and it’s crucial for me to express myself. If I want my son to take risks and voice his thoughts, I need to lead by example.
I craved interesting friendships and the time to nurture them. I wanted to travel, to experience life fully—crazy adventures, late nights sipping wine with strangers in unfamiliar places, and the beautiful chaos that life brings. I wanted laughter, pain, and everything in between. I wanted it all.
It might sound a bit crazy, especially since some days, all I really want is a good nap and a few minutes of peace in the bathroom. But suddenly, those simple desires don’t feel like enough anymore.
The Impact of Motherhood
Motherhood has given me urgency and focus. I’m acutely aware of how quickly time passes. It’s not only my child growing but me as well. I want him to see me as more than just the person who makes his favorite meals.
Things matter to me now in a way they didn’t before. In my earlier years, I floated through life without strong inclinations, but being a parent has anchored me. Now, I have to really want something to pull me away from my child.
I don’t chase grand dreams or aspire to “have it all.” I’m realistic and know that some desires may go unmet. But having these aspirations is important. The tough choices and sacrifices remind me that I’m on the right path and paying attention to what truly matters.
Resources for Further Reading
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out this insightful article here. Also, for those looking for reliable information about artificial insemination, you can visit this resource. And if you’re looking to dive deeper into fertility topics, Medical News Today offers great insights.
In summary, motherhood has ignited a passion in me that I never anticipated. I’m driven to be a great mom while also pursuing my personal goals and dreams, all while navigating the beautiful chaos of life.