What It Feels Like to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom on the Brink of Depression

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It all began when my 2-year-old son decided he was done with nap time. Those precious three-hour breaks vanished overnight, taking with them my daily dose of peace and quiet. I knew this day would come, but nothing prepared me for the reality of it.

Honestly, I was too exhausted to even shed a tear.

They say depression is just anger turned inward, and I can relate. When frustrations bubble up, I often remind myself that others have it far worse. That guilt weighs heavily on me, quieting any cries for help.

“You have no right to feel this way,” my inner voice scolds. “Some moms don’t even get to be home during nap time.” Yet, just because I’m a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean I’m not struggling. My nights are restless too, thanks to my teething baby and my son’s fears of the dark or his insistence on early breakfast. I end up sleeping in until 8 a.m., missing out on that coveted early morning writing time. By the time nap rolls around, I can barely keep my eyes open.

I admire those entrepreneurs who rise early to chase their dreams, but that just feels out of reach for me. This thought feeds my feelings of inadequacy, and I end up bottling up my frustration.

My house is often in disarray. I wish my partner, Tom, would pitch in more with cooking and cleaning. He works tirelessly to support our family and comes home drained. He handles the cars, takes out the trash, and even installs the AC units—all without complaints. That makes me feel guilty for getting upset with him when he misses out on bedtime snuggles. So, I hold back my anger.

Desperate for a moment of solitude, I sometimes resort to turning on the TV for the kids or setting up a game. But no sooner do I sit down at my desk than they’re climbing into my lap or squabbling over toys. It’s frustrating to see Tom unwind while I’m left juggling our children, yet I know I should be grateful for my loving husband. So, I bury those feelings too.

I often think of my child-free friends who can easily grab their bags and head out for a quiet evening. They just throw on a coat and drive off. I long for those carefree moments. With two little ones under three, it’s a whole production just to leave the house: changing diapers, putting on shoes, packing snacks and toys, and then loading everyone into car seats, all while trying to remember what I forgot. The entire process takes what feels like an eternity compared to when I was solo.

This makes me reflect on friends who are unable to have children or are single, and my longing for a quiet corner with a good book seems petty. And guess where that misplaced anger lands? Yep, right back on myself.

I wouldn’t label my feelings as clinical depression, but I’m beginning to find ways to express my frustrations without feeling guilty about it. For starters, I deleted social media apps that made me feel inadequate. I’m also reaching out more, including turning to prayer.

I’ve started to communicate my needs to Tom instead of wearing a mask of forced happiness. One night, after a particularly overwhelming day, I poured my heart out into an article on my phone while sitting on the bathroom floor. I showed it to him afterward, and as he read, I held on to his arm, my heart racing. When he finished, he embraced me and thanked me for sharing my feelings.

I’m still navigating this journey, caught somewhere between coping and chaos. That’s why I completely understand why many moms find themselves struggling with depression.

When moms talk about the simple joys of a hot shower or the lifeline that coffee provides, they genuinely mean it. Parenting is a beautiful but tough gig. Sometimes, it doesn’t require grand gestures or elaborate gifts. Sometimes, a mom just needs a few hours to herself or a hot meal delivered without the hassle of cleanup.

So, think about the moms in your life. Send a text, drop a note, or even give a call. Let them know they’re doing an amazing job. And if they brush it off, just threaten to pop over with a milkshake!

In summary, being a stay-at-home mom can be incredibly demanding, and it’s important to acknowledge the struggles that come with it. Finding ways to communicate needs and taking small moments for self-care can make a significant difference in mental health.

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