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Why I’m Letting Go of the Pressure to Create Special Moments for My Kids
This year, I decided to make an Advent calendar for the holidays. As I carefully tucked three pieces of candy into each colorful pocket—one for each of my kids—I envisioned them bounding down the stairs with sheer delight, giggling and embracing one another. I thought it would be a heartwarming experience, but it only lasted for two days.
By day three, my kids were bickering over which candy belonged to whom. In a moment of frustration, I found myself battling with the vacuum cleaner, dressed in pajamas, yelling, “Who cares what kind of candy you get! This is meant to be special!” At that moment, I realized I had completely ruined any sense of specialness I was trying to create.
As I retreated upstairs to regain my composure, it hit me: I was trying way too hard to make everything extraordinary for my kids. My expectations were unrealistic, and I was placing too much pressure on both myself and them to appreciate these moments. It’s not about showering them with material things; it’s about allowing them to experience joy on their own terms. Just because I think something is special doesn’t mean they’ll feel the same way, and when they don’t, I end up feeling hurt and unappreciated.
Special moments often emerge spontaneously, without any planning. My fondest memories are those unanticipated, magical instances. For example, one afternoon my partner came home early, and we enjoyed a spontaneous fried chicken lunch together—something we hadn’t done in years. It was far better than any meticulously planned night out.
Then there was the time I walked into my son’s room to find a vase filled with wilting dandelions. When I pointed out their state, he replied, “No, Mama, they’re just turning into wishes.” That’s the essence of special right there.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize that the magic came from unexpected moments. It was never about what my parents did for us, but the feelings we shared in those times. If I can step back, lower my expectations, and let my kids experience their own kind of magic, we might create more of these moments together. Maybe I won’t fill the Advent calendar with candy next year. I’ll skip asking them where they want to eat, as it only leads to disagreements. I’ll take charge and decide on the best pizza or fries instead.
And as for those elaborate plans for weekends filled with excitement, we’ll go with the flow instead. The less often we try to create the “perfect” experience, the more likely we are to enjoy the spontaneous fun that life offers.
I don’t expect my kids to be perfect, nor do I expect every day to be flawless. I still want to make wonderful memories for them, but I’ll approach it differently. Because you know what truly matters? A mom who can stay calm and enjoy life instead of stressing over making everything picture-perfect.
For more insights on parenting and creating memories, check out our other posts, like this one. If you’re interested in the journey of parenting, you might find this resource helpful. And for those looking into starting a family, Make A Mom has great information on at-home insemination kits.
Summary
The author reflects on the pressure of creating special experiences for their kids, realizing that spontaneous moments often hold the most magic. By letting go of unrealistic expectations, they aim to foster a more relaxed family environment, allowing joy to arise naturally rather than through forced efforts.