15 Slow Things That Move Faster Than My Toddler

home insemination Kit

Yesterday morning, I found myself spending nearly 10 minutes watching my 2-year-old struggle to put on her sock. She kept getting the edge stuck between her toes, and when I offered to help, she pulled away with that classic toddler determination. “I can do it!” she insisted, brows furrowed in concentration, and then resumed the slowest sock application in history.

Both of my little ones have a knack for taking their time, but one of them is particularly slow. So slow, in fact, that even the slowest things seem to surpass her speed. For example:

1. Snails
2. Anything simmering in a slow cooker
3. Lines at the DMV
4. The phases of the moon
5. The three-toed sloth (who only manages about 10 feet per minute—definitely faster than my child!)
6. The rewind function on a VHS player
7. Global warming
8. The first half of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”
9. The British royal line of succession
10. My laundry pile
11. Pregnancy
12. A decade
13. The Tour de France
14. Evolution
15. The breakdown of a Keurig K-cup

This glacial pace isn’t just during sock time; it applies to everything—brushing teeth, eating meals, taking a bath, and oh my goodness, getting out of the car. Honestly, it takes less time for the Earth to orbit the sun than for my toddler to navigate from her car seat to the ground.

Nothing has tested my patience quite like watching my toddlers tackle everyday tasks. Perhaps by the time they reach 18, their speed will rival that of climate change? If you’re looking for more parenting insights, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com, which offers great resources for home insemination. And if you’re interested in more details about self insemination methods, Make a Mom has some excellent information. For additional guidance on pregnancy and family planning, UCSF’s Center is a fantastic resource.

In summary, toddlers can be a lesson in patience as they take their sweet time with everything. While it might feel like a test, eventually, they will speed up—hopefully before they hit adulthood!