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6 Phrases to End Picky Eating
When my eldest was just 18 months old, he suddenly turned into a picky eater. Mealtime became a battleground as he fussed and pointed toward the pantry, desperate for crackers and bread. Fruits and vegetables? No way! His diet revolved solely around meat, cheese, and bread. I felt like I was feeding a little barbarian—if only I could toss him a tankard of ale to complete the scene! In my desperation, I tried hiding veggies in eggs and smoothies, even chasing him around with spoonfuls of peas. Every dinner turned into a rodeo—me attempting to wrangle him into eating anything while he chuckled at my futile efforts.
I vented these struggles to a friend with a 6-year-old daughter, and she shared her own frustrating experience: “Last night, Ava insisted on noodles for dinner, so I made them, and she wouldn’t touch them. Then she asked for edamame, and still nothing! Finally, I made a bagel, and guess what? Not a bite!” The thought of enduring this for the next decade overwhelmed me. I was already dreading mealtimes filled with pleading and negotiation with my then 2-year-old. There had to be a better way!
Then I discovered Ellyn Satter’s revolutionary book, Child of Mine: Feeding With Care and Good Sense, and it changed everything. Satter, a registered dietitian nutritionist and family therapist, introduces a “division of responsibility” in mealtimes: parents decide when, where, and what to serve, while kids choose whether and how much to eat. There’s always something on the table that kids will eat, like rice or bread, paired with new foods. No pressure to “just try a bite,” and dessert isn’t tied to how much they eat. Satter also emphasizes the importance of family meals, where kids observe their parents enjoying a variety of foods.
This approach worked wonders! The drama of dinner vanished. I set a meal in front of my son, allowing him to serve himself (though, we skip the serving dishes—it goes straight from the pan to his plate). He can eat what he wants without my commentary and even takes seconds if he wishes. I don’t offer alternatives anymore, and he knows better than to ask.
Fast forward to now: my son is nearly 5, still leaning towards meat and bread, but thanks to the lack of pressure, he’s tried more veggies than I ever expected. I’ve even made greens more appealing, which has helped me eat more veggies too! He surprises me with his tastes—things like lentil stew and roasted broccoli. Yet, there are still surprises when he turns down lasagna (who doesn’t love lasagna?). Some nights, dinner is simple kid-friendly fare like chicken nuggets, while other times, I whip up my favorite Pad Thai, since it’s crucial for kids to see everyone enjoying their favorites occasionally.
Dessert isn’t contingent on his dinner consumption. We usually save treats for the afternoon, but when we do have dessert at dinner, it works surprisingly well. He often devours dessert first and then eats a portion of his meal.
So, what are the six magical words? “You don’t have to eat it.” This phrase has shifted our dynamic. My son might still express dislike or say “yuck,” but when he does, I simply respond, “You don’t have to eat it,” and dive into my meal.
The biggest benefit? I’ve stopped nagging him about eating. Since my meals are generally healthy and varied, I can enjoy my food while he decides what to eat—or not eat. I no longer keep a mental checklist of what he will or won’t eat.
This system has put an end to the short-order cook routine. I make what I want, and if he isn’t interested in trying, say, a squash and sausage casserole, that’s up to him. He can pick at the garlic bread, salad, or apple slices on his plate. He might finally try the casserole after several servings, while I savor my meal, and my younger son enjoys the squash minus the sausage.
It has completely eliminated the power struggles around food. Plus, it helps kids listen to their bodies. My son doesn’t eat much for dinner, regardless of what I serve. He just isn’t hungry at that time, so I focus on making earlier meals nutritious and don’t sweat the evening meal.
Sure, it’s not perfect. Some meals might not be particularly exciting, and we don’t have family dinners every night—sometimes it’s just one parent or none at all because I might not be hungry at dinner time. However, this approach is working well overall. It prevents us from making food a reward or a punishment, which can lead to unhealthy associations with food later on. He doesn’t have to endure a plate of bok choy to earn ice cream, nor are we forcing him to ignore his body’s signals.
“You don’t have to eat it,” spoken gently, has transformed my parenting experience. I’ve carried this lesson over to my younger son, who is also a toddler. He sometimes opts out of dinner, and I’m tempted to sneak in bites while he’s distracted, but I remind myself: he doesn’t have to eat it… those six words can truly end picky eating.
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Summary
This article discusses effective strategies to tackle picky eating in children, emphasizing the importance of allowing kids to choose what they eat while parents provide a variety of healthy options. The key message revolves around the phrase “You don’t have to eat it,” which alleviates pressure during mealtimes and encourages kids to explore new foods at their own pace.