If You Understand It, You Share It

home insemination Kit

I always knew this moment would arrive, thanks to the warnings from parents who had navigated these waters before me. “Your child will ask someday,” they said. “They’ll have questions that require you to be ready. You can’t be caught off guard when it comes to discussions about sex.”

And then, in the dark of my car on the way home from dinner, it happened: My son and I had one of those monumental conversations. While I’ve mostly recovered from the experience, my friends are still reeling from the advice I gave him.

It all started innocently enough. After a family event, my husband and I decided to treat our kids to dinner at one of our favorite spots (which really means we enjoyed martinis while they indulged in fried food and desserts). We were chatting, catching up with friends, and enjoying the lively atmosphere. Little did I know that my son had a storm of questions brewing, and he chose this very ride home to unleash them.

Since we took two cars, my son decided to ride with me. I should have taken this as a warning sign! Once we hit the road, just moments after pulling away from the curb, he hit me with a bombshell: there had been a sexting scandal at school, and he was troubled by it.

Let me emphasize that: My twelve-year-old was upset about a sexting incident—twelve! He’s not even a teenager yet! Thankfully, he wasn’t involved, but he was concerned about the repercussions for those affected and the broader implications of such behavior. He wanted to know what to do if he received inappropriate texts and why kids would engage in such actions.

I won’t sugarcoat it; I was completely blindsided. The deer we passed on the road didn’t even look as shocked as I felt while listening to my son’s questions. However, I made a choice to keep driving and to take the long way home. My tween was opening up to me about sex, and I didn’t want to shut that down. I wasn’t sure when or if this opportunity would come again.

As we wrapped up the sexting topic, he hesitantly said, “I have one more question,” and I knew I had to prepare myself. “What’s that, buddy?” I asked.

“Well, some boys are talking about something that involves blowing. Blow work, is it? Like a job that involves blowing. What does that mean?” he asked.

Here I was, in a car, being asked a specific question about a sexual act by my twelve-year-old. In the split seconds that followed, I debated my options: should I tell him? Should I brush it off and say it’s for adults? Or should I pull over and call my husband for backup? I was at a loss but decided to roll with it.

So, I told him. Just like they do in sex ed classes, I opted for honesty. And suddenly, it was his turn to look like a deer caught in headlights. As the reality of my answer sank in, I realized that these moments with tweens are fleeting. I took it a step further and explained that a committed relationship should be reciprocal. Intimacy should be enjoyable for both people involved, and it’s never okay for one person to take while the other gives.

I told him simply, “If you get one, you give one.” Because I have no intention of having a daughter-in-law in my kitchen wondering why her husband is such a selfish Neanderthal in the bedroom.

And judging by the horrified expressions on my friends’ faces as I recounted this story, I seem to be in the minority when it comes to discussing sex openly with my kids. Some have accused me of promoting premarital sex, while others have said I crossed a line by detailing a sex act to my child. But for every judgment I faced, I stand by what I told him. I hope my honesty will encourage him to come back to me with questions in the future. In that moment, he trusted me with his thoughts and was open with me, so it was only fair that I returned the honesty.

Because, folks, if you understand it, you share it.

For more insights on parenting and open conversations, check out this post on Home Insemination Kit. They provide valuable resources for navigating parenting challenges. Also, if you’re looking into more serious topics related to insemination, Make A Mom has some excellent information. Additionally, ASRM offers fantastic resources for pregnancy and home insemination.

Summary:

Navigating conversations about sex with kids can be daunting. Emily shares her experience with her twelve-year-old son when he brought up a sexting incident at school, leading to an honest discussion about intimacy and mutual respect in relationships. Despite facing judgment from friends, Emily stands by her openness, hoping to foster a trusting environment for future conversations about sensitive topics.