How I Embraced My Pregnancy as a License to Be a Little Unreasonable

Navigating Life During Pregnancy

I first met our delivery guy while expecting my second child, all while juggling the chaos of caring for my curious one-year-old. If he arrived during an inconvenient time—like nap time, feeding time, or while I was deeply engrossed in reruns of “Friends”—I would become pretty irked. Did he really need to honk his horn and ring the doorbell? Couldn’t he swing by at a more suitable hour, like 3 p.m.? Apparently, that wasn’t in the cards. His raucous doorbell ringing soon turned into a covert package drop-off, tiptoeing away as fast as he could.

However, on those rare occasions when he arrived at a decent time, I would generously offer him cookies and attempt to engage in pleasant chit-chat. I may have even asked him to babysit while I took a quick shower or whipped up some fried chicken—but apparently, that’s not part of his job description either.

Weighty Matters of Pregnancy

During my pregnancy, I found myself weighing in at a number I’d rather not disclose, and I couldn’t help but envy those women who managed to gain 30 pounds or less—it felt like the ultimate feat! I was tipping the scales at 50 pounds more than my husband, who towers over 6 feet.

As I munched my way through bags of peanut butter cups and Doritos on a daily basis, I often questioned how others maintained their figures. It was a mystery I never solved!

Sizzling Temperatures

Pregnancy turned me into a furnace. Despite my husband’s repeated requests to close the windows, I had them wide open well into the fall, fans whirring at full blast. Living in the Northeast meant chilly breezes, and there I was, draped under a sliver of a sheet while my husband wrapped himself in layers of blankets.

On more than one occasion, I would step out of the shower, wrap a towel around me (which barely covered anything), and head outside to bask in the chilly air. I craved that refreshing breeze, feeling it cool my overly heated body. If anyone happened to catch me in my towel parade, I have zero regrets.

Navigating Food Cravings and Gag Reflexes

During my first few months, certain foods were off-limits; onions, specific cuts of beef, and anything fried were a recipe for disaster. No one was allowed to cook or eat those around me. However, I eventually returned to my usual self—sort of—craving bizarre combinations like burnt cheese with tuna and pepperoni. My food was off-limits to others, and I demanded they respect my culinary choices without any judgment or funny looks.

The Puppy Dilemma

At six months pregnant with my third child, I decided to bring a puppy into the mix. Everyone warned me against it, but my heart was set. I truly believed she was meant for me, and the thought of not having her was unbearable. It may not have been my wisest decision, but I’d do it all over again.

Desiring Affection Amidst the Chaos

Even while donning my old, frayed robe and a nasal strip (thanks to pregnancy congestion), I wanted my husband to find me irresistibly attractive. I envisioned him bringing me fried chicken nightly while I indulged, foot rubs included. But apparently, weighing 50 pounds more than him put a damper on those romantic fantasies.

Reflecting on this list, my husband might have a point, but I’m determined to ease up on the more unreasonable demands if we decide to expand our family again. Maybe I could hire a fried chicken delivery service or a foot massage professional—surely that exists now!

Now that my kids are older and no longer napping, I think the UPS guy would appreciate our quiet. And I could always chat with my midwife about skipping those weight checks. Although, Pinterest wasn’t around during my pregnancies, so I might still find myself longing for those dreamy nurseries filled with organic everything and hand-painted accents. That could be tricky. But I’m confident my husband can manage!

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Summary

In this light-hearted reflection, I shared my unapologetic experiences during pregnancy—embracing the quirks, cravings, and unreasonable demands that came with it. From the struggles of weight gain to the joys of puppy love, I navigated the ups and downs with a sense of humor. While my expectations might have been a little out there, they were all part of the wild adventure of motherhood.